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Is it possible to raise respectful, obediant children WITHOUT spanking?

Seems like the majority of moms on cafemom believe that if you DON'T spank your child, then they are sassy brats who talk back, don't listen to their parents, etc. Is spanking the ingrediant to producing well-behaved children??


Asked by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (45)
  • You are more likely to raise respectful, obedient children if you don't spank.

    Spanking and other forms of punishment don't teach good behavior. If you just let your kids run wild they probably aren't going to grow up respectful and obedient. What works best is if you learn how to be an authoritative parent.

    An authoritative parent has a close relationship with the child, has guidelines and enforces them. You have to learn to be an effective parent. Without Spanking or Spoiling is a great first book.

    My 3 sons weren't spanked, didn't have time-outs, didn't have things like TV taken away, and weren't grounded. They were well behaved, the teen years were easy and they are now respectful adults that treat women very well. I was a single disabled mother with 3 sons. They outnumbered me and were bigger than me when they were 10. I had to be a smart parent.

    Answer by Gailll at 12:51 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • The Bible says " Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

    Proverbs 13:24(AMP): "He who spares his rod (of discipline) hates his son, but he who loves him diligently disciplines and punishes him early."

    Answer by vbruno at 1:00 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Proverbs 22:15: "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."

    Proverbs 23:13-14: "Withold not discipline from the child, for if you strike and punish him with the (reed-like) rod, he will not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell."


    Answer by vbruno at 1:00 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Proverbs 19:18(AMP): "Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not (indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and) set yourself to his ruin."

    Proverbs 22:6: "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

    Answer by vbruno at 1:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Gailll, wish u lived close by so I can learn from u.

    I don't believe in spanking. It teaches ur child to be a bully and that the bigger person wins. So what happens when they hit a lil bro or another friend? U taught them that behavior (mind u, this is for schoolage children).

    If ur, as gailll says, an authoritative parent then u can discipline w/o letting out ur own frustrations on ur child.

    Answer by Vero0724 at 1:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Proverbs 29:15 &17(AMP):

    15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left undisciplined brings his mother to shame.
    17 Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your heart.

    Ephesians 6:1-4:

    1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
    2 Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise;
    3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.
    4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

    Answer by vbruno at 1:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • maybe, i think it depends on the chuild. some children dont have to be spank while others do. am a spanking momma but i only spank after i have used talking, timeouts takena atoy away. only as a last resort. i dont think spanking is a form of abused, i know what abused is i was beaten many times as a kid. for minor infractions.

    Answer by piwife at 1:22 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I have taught many parents this same thing: that if you don't want to spank you don't have to. There are less frustrating and more rewarding ways to correct behavior. And that is what it is all about. Spanking is a punishment. Not a discipline. Discipline is your parenting philosophy. When you are in college you choose your "discipline" of study. So choose your parenting discipline and know how you are in ALL aspects of parenting. Not just punishment. My world view or discipline on parenting is a blend of Love and Logic, attachment, filial, and Montessori philosophies. Punishment is consistent with my discipline or view as a parent. And every time I go out, I do mean every single time I bring my child into public, I get comments on how well behaved he is.  Since


    Answer by frogdawg at 1:27 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • we stand out, one black child with white parents, it is hard not to zero in on us. That is why we get the comments every single outing. I also get asked how I got him to do this or that so easily. If I have time I answer and if I don't I just smile and say he was just born a sweet boy. And he was. Just as all children are. I don't spank and he is such a doll. Not perfect but he also takes correction and teaching very well.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:30 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I won't quote the Bible because I don't think that is what you need to hear. My daughter has been popped on the behind fewer times than I can count on one hand, she is well mannered and respectful to others. The only time that I think there is sass is when it is directed at mom and dad and that is easily difused by loss of television for the evening, or loss of computer privileges. Children need to know what type of behavior is expected of them and unfortunately is seems that parents make threats but never follow through with the punishment. I work with kids and am constantly amazed by the behavior these kids find acceptable. I have many a time talked to a parent about little Johnny or Suzie's behavior, and 99% of the time the parent takes the kid's side and questions my authority or discipline. Makes me crazy! Set expectations for your child and follow through, that is what they need.

    Answer by emnasmom at 1:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2009