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Sometimes I feel like my husband don't know how to be a father to my daughter or he is just that selfish and irresponsible. He was putting a elliptical machine together and left the pocket knife on the floor. My DD step on it twice, and it pissed me off. Then this morning he warmed up leftovers for him that contained HOT peppers, my DD was hungry, and instead of him fixing her something to eat, he told her that was his, and sat down and gave her a spoonful. That made me fire hot mad, and Im still mad. I was in the office doing my course work (in grad skool). he has nothing to do but watch football, so I figured he would look after her, or atleast feed her while I was busy. There has been other incidents.Am I overreacting or is this a serious problem. We dont have any kids yet, but this is making me not want any with him. Sometimes he is great with her, he doesnt abuse her or anything but things like this makes me worry

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • This may just be guy stuff. Not thinking.

    My son is an RN and has a toddler. I was staying with them for a week. His wife works and she was at work. I came out of the bathroom after taking a shower and find the toddler walking around the living room with a 6 inch hunting knife. Just walking around with the knife. My son was cooking and couldn't see him.

    He really loves his son and has been involved with his care since birth. They lived with me for a few months and now they live close. I take care of my grandson several times a week. My son is 26 and an RN and EMT and still he does stupid stuff. He lets the baby get diaper rash. Lets him eat stupid stuff. Lets him eat food the dog has licked. He has eaten dog food. Plays video games and lets the baby trash the house. Doesn't change his clothes for 3 days (the mom does that too).

    No one else can take care of your child as well as you can.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:08 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You're overreacting. Some kids love hot peppers, my one year old does. It won't kill her. As for the knife, if he isn't accustomed to being around kids and observing child safety rules, that's understandable. Just sit down and talk to him about being more careful in the future

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:09 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Lol I just don't think men think. My DH has done both the things you mentioned and DS is his son. DS is three now and since he was a toddler I have never left him with DH for more than a 2-3 hour span of time. my mother told me with my father, it took her leaving for a day and my eldest sister having to scream for food at age 4 for my father to really get it. My mother was soo pissed when she came home that my father spent the night on the couch. So yeah, men are just dumb about stuff like that.

    Answer by auroura at 1:09 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • ALL men can be clueless at times, whether they are the bio-dad or not. Have you talked to him about it? If there are specific things he does that you don't agree with tell him and tell him why and how you do whatever it is, in the nicest way possible so he doesn't feel attacked. If it's just that you would like him to be a little more attentive and mindful of her and her needs then say so and give him a couple of examples. My hubby tells me that men aren't mind readers, sometimes they need a "2 by 4 to the head" (figuratively of course).

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Men are generally stupid imo but stepdads can be just dangerous. They just don't think.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:12 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I was a single mother with 3 sons. For a lot of their growing up years I was a doctoral student. We homeschooled and had a busy life with sports and scouts and other activities.

    I was careful and good about childproofing. I learned with 3 boys that ERs exist so that there is a place to take boys with broken bones and cuts that need stiches. My middle son stuck a masking tape price tag from a yard sale up his nose while in his car seat. They had to fish that out with forceps. He was a screamer!

    Stuff happens. Figure out how to help your husband to grow without sounding like a _itch.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:15 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • My husband treats our daughter that I had before I met him just like one of his own. They have a great relationship, and even though she knows that he's not her father she consideres him to be. She was 4 1/2 when the met and she's almost 14 now. He was always very respectful when he visited my home, and before I could even bring her to his house, he cleaned it up and even got toys from his sister for my daughter to play with. He does admit that it was all part of his plan to win me over! It worked, lol.

    As a mom I think it's important to follow your gut instincts. If something is telling you that it's not right, then it's not right. Get out of the relationship with him and leave yourself open for someone who will treat both of you awesome. Mr. Right is looking for a single woman. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Giving your daughter a bite off his plate makes me think that he's treating her like a dog. When my dog begs, more often then not someone will give her a bite.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • If your daughter was in a daycare like that, would you continue to pay for it and try to make it work? It looks like you have a choice to make: your daughter your your sex life. Is she worth the sacrifice?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:28 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I think you are overreacting. I think if you took a long hard look at yourself you would find things that you do as a parent that are questionable too. Not everyone is perfect. Your husband did not have time to grow into being a father. He instantly became one when you two got married. Didn't you make mistakes in the beginning when you were a new mom? If you are telling him that he is doing things wrong all the time he is eventually going to give up and the only one that is going to really suffer is your daughter. Quit being controlling. As long as he is not hurting her back off and let him take care of your daughter in his own way. Just because it is not the way you would do it does not make it wrong.


    Answer by FL2AK at 3:45 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

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