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People don't believe my son is my husband's child!

My DH and I both have dark hair. Our two year old is a strawberry blonde. DS was born with dark hair but it fell out and grew in blonde. DS is OF COURSE my DH's - there is no chance he isn't (I never cheated). But now, old friends, family, and even strangers who see my son feel the need to comment about his blonde hair, make "milkman" jokes, etc., and it is driving me insane. EVERYONE comments about it ("How did he get blonde hair?" "Where did the hair come from?" etc.) I even had a man I'd never met before who, when we were visiting his business, asked about it and told my DH he needed to "slap the milkman"! It is degrading and awful, and it is getting worse because DS' hair keeps getting lighter. What do I say to these people???

Answer Question

Asked by Iskkra at 3:46 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • Tell them it's none of their damn business and if anyone knows that children CAN have different colored hair and eyes in which their parents don't have. SOMEWHERE down the line there is someone with light hair and light eyes. They say that about my kids all the time but it's stupid they say that because they look exactly like their father!

    Answer by Michele068 at 3:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • just joke he is a genetic throwback and mention a dead relative that had blond hair. That usually makes people feel stupid about commenting about it (hey if they are going to make you uncomfortable, you can make them feel stupid right?

    Answer by auroura at 3:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • How rude!

    You could come up with a list of come back for different situations - isn't it beautiful (avoiding the whole topic), mind your own business (strangers), I'm sure it will turn dark as it gets older, he looks like his grandfather (or uncle, you could even make it up).

    Answer by Gailll at 3:51 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • My husband and I both have almost black hair it is so dark. My daughter has blonde hair and my son has dark hair like us. I used to get comments about her having blonde hair but I never took it badly. If someone I didn't know was annoying about it I just told them that our good friend "dave" has blonde hair and smiled. That usually shut them up. But for the most part it never really bothered me. You know the truth why would a stranger making a comment mean anything to you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Oh I don't think they mean any harm by it. My own husband asks me all the time when the CS is going to start coming in for out kids. He's got them all pawned off to different people -- one to the milkman, one to the meter reader, one to the garbage collector... well, ok, he claims the only girl LOL

    If they were being serious & malicious about it (ex, my inlaws STILL tell my husband he needs to do a DNA), then yeah... I'd say something nasty right back at them.

    But it sounds more light-hearted to me in this case..... just let it go. Find the humor in it - correct them -- tell them it wasn't the milk man... it was your brother in law or something like that.

    There are far more important things to focus your attention on.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 4:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I'd agree.
    If it's strangers - forget them. You and your DH know the truth, and that's all that should matter. Unless it was starting to get nasty comments from the people you care about - but if that were the case, they're just not worth it. They shouldn't question your fidelity - it's not their business.
    I use to know a couple who both have very dark hair, and their only son is a full on redhead. You just couldn't question the child's background, because he had a LOT of mom and dad's traits. We'd always laugh, and he'd call his son "Super Redhead baby" and made a complete joke out of it.
    Be confident, ignore them.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 4:21 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Who cares what people think. You and your husband know the truth and that's all that should matter. People will say anything to hurt your feelings. Don't give them the satisfaction!

    Answer by navajomama7 at 4:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Just try you're best to ingore them. People can be so rude & ignorant. My son has strawberry blonde hair (though turning more blonde now then when born) & I have brown/red hair & my Dh has real dark brown hair. We joke around about it amongst ourselves but it's rude for strangers to say stuff like that. its none of anyones busienss.

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 4:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • My hubby and I are both "dishwater" blondes, both of our children have red hair. With people we don't know we just tell them that it goes back to great-grandparents (on both sides). But with friends and relatives we used to just ignore the milkman comments, until DS asked what they were talking about. After that hubby and I started telling family and friends that they shouldn't joke about these things because it is just insulting and rude. How would you like to be told that somebody couldn't be your parent because they don't look like you? My kids were starting to hear these comments and didn't understand them as the jokes they were meant to be. If it's somebody that is close to you, they need to stop. As for random people on the street, just tell them that it comes grandparents and great-grandparents.

    Answer by CaLizzyMom at 4:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I realize that stranger comments don't matter much, but the fact is, it DOES bother me. I've ignored it for a long time, but now, friends are starting to leave comments about the pics I post on places like Facebook, asking about it. And the comment the other day about slapping the milkman nearly made me cry! I can't help that it bothers me - I know it shouldn't but it does. Maybe because DH's family doesn't like me (when DH told his dad I was pregnant, his response was, "Are you sure its yours?") and part of me wonders if DH will start to question it if this keeps happening! He has no reason not to trust me, but still, when a bunch of people say something, it would start making anyone wonder!

    Answer by Iskkra at 4:59 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

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