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My 4 month old still won't go to sleep on her own till she is totally exhausted.

I have tried everything you can think of and nothing is working. I will rock her till she falls a sleep, shen I put her down she will sleep for a half hour and wake up. I have put soft music in her room, lights, even a shirt that I wear for the day. We have taken her for car rides at night, she will sleep and as soon as we lay her down, shes up again. Once she does pass out she sleeps for 10+ hours. What else can I do?
I took her to the dr, no ear infections and not teething. Please give me some advice to get thru this.

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Asked by Tiffany237 at 4:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 13 (1,141 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • This is normal. Babies want to be held while asleep or sleep next to mom. It is a survival mechanism. Babies don't want their own room. They want a symbiotic relationship. They want to smell your pheromones.

    My grandson is 12 months and still naps in arms, either mine or one of his parents. He sleeps next to his mom in bed or a co-sleeper next to her.

    Answer by Gailll at 5:01 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • My 4 month old was the same way until we stated taking her for walks at night. I make her a 5 to 6 oz bottle then put her in the stroller and my boyfriend and I will walk with her for an 30 minute to an hour and she passes out on the walk.When we get home we move her to her bed and she will sleep for the next 8 to 10 hours

    Answer by purplecraze579 at 5:02 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Both of mine were like that. My daughter more than my son. But both napped in my arms until around 18 months and they co-slept until after 2 years. We did it bc it was right for us and the only way anyone would sleep. They both now sleep in their own beds and sleep wonderfully-despite everyone telling me if I napped and slept with them they would have sleep problems later.

    Answer by Carajust at 5:12 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I forgot to mention that she will nap no problem in her bed during the day. It is just at night time.

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 5:21 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Then I suggest you try not to let her nap more than an hour in the day time. Sometimes you just have to let them cry it out. I know I'll get bashed for saying that but screw all who bash me for saying let em cry it out. If you keep coddeling the child you will have a 2 year old still doing the same thing before you know it.

    Answer by vbruno at 5:50 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I agree with vbruno about letting them "cry it out."... I used to rock my daughter to sleep EVERY bedtime, and the older she got the harder it would be to lay her down without her waking up. I had to let her cry it out. I'm not heartless! It's hard to hear your baby cry, but they need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. You need it too! I wouldn't just leaver her, either... after 5 minutes I would go in a soothe her, rub her tummy, do anything EXCEPT pick her up or you have to start the process all over again. Then gradually increase the amount of time that passes before you go soothe her again. It WILL work, I promise!!! It took about a week of letting her cry, but now I can lay her down wide awake at bedtime and she'll go right to sleep for 12 hours. It was totally worth it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • first she does not sleep a lot durning the day at all. NOT ENOUGH!!! So I know its not that. I don't like to hear her cry but have been doing the every 5 10 15 minutes thing, last night she cried so hard and so long her voice isn't normal and she was sweating I had to pick her up. I'm so tired of dealing w/ this night after night. Its so draining.

    Answer by Tiffany237 at 7:16 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Firstly, this too shall pass. Actually, they recommend you wait until AT LEAST 6 months to do CIO - and you really really should get the book by Ferber IF you are going to do such a thing to your baby.

    Do you have a solid night-time routine that you can start ? (4 months is about the age that a baby will start realizing you are doing a routine). For example: give a bath, then get in pajamas, then have a little quiet playing, then read a book, then rocking, then soft singing and rocking, then lay her down.

    Have you tried heating up the bedding slightly so it's not so cold when you lie her down? What about swaddling her - I realize she's 4 months, but you could still do it. And have you tried putting soft pressure on her when you lie her down.. like keep your hands around her, then on her for a while and slowlllyy lift away?

    How much is she napping, exactly? It could be not enough napping. Cont.

    Answer by JamesAndMe at 10:10 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • If she's not getting enough napping sleep time, perhaps by the time you want to put her to bed.. she is overtired. This can make it VERY difficult for a baby to fall asleep. You know how you feel when you have the flu ? It's like that. Achy, prickly, horribly uncomfortable to be overtired..

    If she IS napping enough.. What time are you -trying- to put her to bed? Maybe you are trying to put her to bed too early. Did you come up with the bed-time, or did she ?? My son has been slowly moving his own bed-time from 10 pm, to 9:30, to 9:00, to 8:30 now at 7 months. He did it himself.. I was very keen on his tiredness cues and realized our bed-time routine (when he was 4 months I kept trying to put him to bed at 8:00, it was a HUGE FIGHT with him every night.. SO I moved his bed-time up and then moved it back as he seemed to nap less and fight sleep less!)

    So, maybe just move bed-time up for -now- and move it cont.

    Answer by JamesAndMe at 10:13 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • back when you start noticing she's going to sleep a lot easier for you..

    Her autonomic nervous system is still quite immature and it's difficult for them to fall asleep .. and slight movement and suddenly finding themselves in a cold bed by themselves when they are uncomfortable already can make them have troubles staying asleep..

    If I were you -- okay -- you lay her down and she immediately wakes up 10 minutes later. FORGET BED TIME. Okay? Get her up, play with her for 45 minutes, and THEN start doing sleep-soothing things and try to put her down. Stressing out horribly over her not going to bed at some bed-time is not good for any of you. If she's not sleeping, it's possible she's not tired. If you try the playing thing and she is just horribly cranky the entire time? She was tired -- but she's over-tired and needs extra soothing. It hurts to be over-tired.

    Hope I've not confused you horribly. lol

    Answer by JamesAndMe at 10:17 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

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