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how do i get over not being happy no bashing please

im not happy with my DH, he is a decent guy but we just dont get along. we were separated for a while and during that time i met someone else but left him to try to work on my marriage i havent seen or talked to the other guy in nearly a year but cant stop thinking about him and i regret leaving him. i keep telling myself that i shouldnt feel this way but i cant get over it. i do love my dh but not in love with him, and not sure if i ever was. the only thing keeping me here are our kids and they are tired of me and my dh fighting all the time, we clash on everything. im not sure if i should stay and be miserable or leave him go out on my own

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • if u and the kids are miserable and you dont love him, why stay? the kids can still be in his life from visitation and stuff but you shouldnt live in a home u dont wanna be in and sleep with a man that u feel nothing for!
    teardrop_7060

    Answer by teardrop_7060 at 5:43 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I agree with teardrop.... Maybe a separation is the best thing for everyone(you, him, and the kids). You never know, you guys may become good friends during the child visits and discover youre better friends than lovers. Some people get along better when they don't live together.
    Shyma

    Answer by Shyma at 5:49 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Having gone through hard times in my own marriage- as trite as it sounds- happiness is a choice. I went through one period with my dh where I literally went through 8 or 9 months of telling myself, "I love him, I'm happy to be married to him, I'm blessed to be his wife" etc like a mantra before I really started to feel it again. It takes alot of work to adjust your attitude and focus to see the good things. For example, I spent alot of time feeling neglected because my husband is gone 80+ hours a week--- instead of letting myself wallow in my lonliness, I had to decide to respect him for how hard he works-- that he supports his family and is going to school to make a better future for us. Alot of things take perspective work and just making the decision to be happy and to see the positives in life. Good luck!
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 5:52 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • op here
    i tried that im happy mantra but it only goes so far, when i try to get close to my dh he pushes me away...i can only fix me not him, i try to be a good wife but it seems no matter what i do nothing works. im constantly walking on egg shells around him so i dont make him so upset he yells at me. if i ask him for help with something he gets mad but if i dont ask for help and "get inover my head" he gets mad..i cant win for losing and today i found out he put an add on a dating site in august...i seen the site in our history and i got curious to see what it was about so made a fake profile and found him as single and looking for sex dating and relationships
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:13 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You should try everything to possible to make your marriage work before stepping away. That way you can have a clear concious and fresh start about everything if you do decide to leave. (Im sorry...this is way easier than said but hope it helps. Ive never been in this situation before but its what I would try to do.)
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 7:36 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

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