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Did I overstep or did I do the right thing for my heart & my son?

I recently contacted my fiancee's family that he hasn't had contact with for over 10 years. It didn't bother me til I had our son and my mother passed away. My SO's mother and father were the only other grandparents living besides my father. I went by my SO's back and wrote his mother a letter (later came clean about it) She and I kept writing back and forth to each other and then I had the urge to find his father, step mother, brother and sister. He found his sister on facebook and told me not to add her, I did. In the process found his brother. We were shortly thereafter invited to a cookout so everyone could meet our son. Now, his family has caused a whole lot of crap with me and now they won't talk to me til I apologize(which I think is childish) I've done nothing wrong to either of them(brother, father, and step mother) I want this so much for my son but should I be treated this way. (cont)


Asked by fireangel0310 at 10:18 PM on Oct. 4, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Oh man I totally know where youa re coming from. My mom dies a couple years ago and she loved my kids so very much. I wanted my kids to have a special relationship with a grandma. You know I think you should just sit down and talk about all of this with your husband. Tell him what you wat for your son and listen to him about what he says and feels. You have already went and done exactly what he asked you not to. Please the heartache they are causing may not be worth it. SOunds liek there is some serious dysfunction going on. I say adopt a granparent. You can have a family of friends. I am sorry because it know it is hard do. I miss my mom like crazy and my kids needed her too.


    Answer by stickyfingers at 1:42 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • (cont) maybe my So had his reason for staying so far away from them during these past 10 years? His family has insulted me, my sister, my cousin and a few of my friends whom they don't even know, Made assumptions about my educational background, employment history, my fiance's license among many many more. I'm heartbroken because I want this to work sooo badly. SO I walk away or should I continue to try for my son's sake?

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 10:21 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • If I followed all that right...your son's dad has his reasons. And you 2 should discuss those openly and honestly. If he has his reasons and you understand them you may come up with a solution.

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 10:25 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • Honey, I would just walk away.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You should have allowed him to make the call to contact his family. He told you to stop and you ignored him. Now it's biting you in the butt. Learn from this and listen to him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:27 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You should have listened in the first place. But just because he only has one real grandparent in his life doesn't mean he can't have other "family". Get to know some other older couples you like and your son will grow to love them in that way if you allow it and that relationship is open to that. Same thing with "aunts and uncles". Any of your close friends you feel would be good for your son can be, "Aunt Anyone" and "Uncle whoever".
    Sorry this happened, but brush it off and move on. It isn't worth the stress. Get "replacements!" :)

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 10:29 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • My family is big (but getting smaller because we've had three deaths in the past two years) I have 13 aunts and about the same amount of uncles. Not to mention my father who is his grandfather(my son is only two) my sister and my brother who love him very much along with my other two. I guess I was just trying to fill a hole in heart from loosing mom with my SO's mother/step mother and apparently that backfired in my face. BIG TIME... I guess the next question is should I apologize to this father/step mother for something I never did but they feel I did (disrespect them)??? My fiancee doesn't think or want me too but I feel I should apologize for "things taken the wrong way" (this started over a New England Patriot comment, I hate them and I"m a dallas cowboys fan) I know confusing..I'll explain as we go along!

    Answer by fireangel0310 at 10:42 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • You made a big mistake by calling his family now you have stress you do not need. I hope you learned something. There was a reason why he cut off all contact. You need to change you phone number.
    Your good friends and you two can make a very happy family.

    You do not have to be blood to be family.

    Answer by gammie at 10:45 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • leave them out of your life. There is a reason your husband doesn't talk to them. No family is better than one that makes you feel like crap.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Oct. 4, 2009

  • I know how you feel. My husbands family is HORRIBLE. I tried so hard to create this family unit that I wanted so badly for my kids, but you can't make wine out of piss!lol. We don't spend very much time with them at all. In fact we are going to relocate to another state so we aren't pressured into attending get togethers where no one likes eachother anyhoo. I know your intentions were good hearted, but next time talk with you future husband about why he doesn't have contact with them. He needs to be heard.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Oct. 4, 2009