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If you suspected your husband was cheating.....

but you don't really have any proof and know that he would just lie if you confronted him, what would you do?

And you've been married for 18 years.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:43 AM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I would be finding a job quickly. Then I would be putting some in a savings account that he was not on.  Just in case I did find out he was having a affair.  I would be ready to leave his ass.While I was doing all that I would be investigating, trying to find more evidence on him. Or just pay a Private Investigator to do the dirty work for you.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:59 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I agree with PP. Be ready just in case so you're not stuck. However find out why you feel this way and just confront him. You may be able to judge him on his response since you've been married so long. Can I ask why you feel he is cheating?
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:03 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Someone told me they saw him giving another woman a ride to work - and I trust them. He doesn't carpool and never mentioned picking anyone up on his way. The fact that it's a secret is what bothers me. I have never had a problem with him having female friends, so can't figure out an "innocent" reason why he wouldn't tell me Ms. X needs a ride, so I'm going to pick her up.

    How would you investigate. I can't afford to hire someone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I would def call him while hes in the car on the way to work. If he is with her and doesnt say then thats kinda strange. Are you friends with any of his coworkers? If you are then ask them who hes going to work with and how their relationship is during work hours. Find out who this woman is and if shes single or married and if she may be trouble.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:22 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • also..Does he come home from work on time? What does he do during lunch hours? Meet him for lunch unexpectidly one day and see how he reacts. Thats if he leaves for lunch. I would also make an appt for an oil change on his car and tell him that you will take him to and from work that day...if you are able to that is
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:24 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Do you know that this was not just a one time ride to work? If this friend saw him and sees him reg then tell her to let her know how often and to doc the date and time
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:25 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I don't know if it was one time or not. My friend only saw him once. He doesn't carry a cell phone, so I can't call him. And I don't know who this woman is, or even if she works with him or just in the city. His drive is over an hour.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:33 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • He does come home on time, but at least twice a week he goes out "with the guys" and I've never checked up on him (no cell phone). So he does have opportunity.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • have you asked him or do you just assume he will lie? I would def ask him and see what he says. If he lies then bring up the fact that a friend saw you together and you want an explanation. If he admits it after he hears your evidence then i would assume that he is cheating.
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:35 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I'd just talk to him like a grown up. Just say so and so told you he was giving someone a ride to work, then ask who it was and tell him that you think it's strange that he didn't tell you about it. Don't accuse him, and don't say that you are suspicious. Just ask him who he's giving a ride to. It doesn't have to be a huge confrontation.

    I could be something as simple as - he was already on his way to work, this woman called him at the last minute with car trouble, and he had to swing by and pick her up. It could be a one time thing. There is so much that you DON'T know about this situation. Try not to get too far ahead of yourself by saying he's doing something wrong when you don't have all the facts yet.

    Good luck.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 7:36 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

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