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I don't deserve to leave the house.

That's just one of the very sweet words from DH today.
Monday is the only day I get to go out, it's DD's play group. We only have 1 car, so I take him to work, go to play group, visit my family and do my grocery shopping.
Well, I started getting ready to leave this morning and he said he needs the car today because he is leaving work early to get a taxi liscences.
I started complaining and he tells me he works all day, he takes care of the bills, I need to just stay home. I don't get to leave the house, I am not paying for the gas and insurance or any bills.
So here I sit. Stuck in prison as usual.
I hate it. I am good enough for him to have sex with and cook his food and wash his clothes, but when it comes to be actually having rights and feelings, I am not supposed to. I am just supposed to be a f****** robot.
I really feel trapped and depressed.
Just needed to vent.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I completely feel ya on your vent. I do have a car myself so I can choose to go, but its actually made into a big deal where i went and why. He can go where ever he wants and whenever and if i question him he acts like i'm wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • You do realize how controlling that is right? Pretty soon he'll tell you what to wear and how to dress and how much to eat. Sorry no man tells me I'm not good enough to leave the house.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 8:46 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • This is OP- I am sorry you are going through that anon! When I had my own car, it was never an issue, but we are having money problems (so his concers for money are not unfounded, but just plain mean!) and my car got reposessed :(
    It just sucks, Mondays are my only day I get to leave the prison :(
    And I already made plans to go to lunch with my grandmother. She is disabled and only gets to go out once a month on her bus ride and was looking forward to meeting us for lunch :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • sorry to hear your situation
    i agree that this sounds very controlling

    when my boyfriend takes his car (i have my own) but he forgets that dar seat is in there and i am stranded for one day , i can feel nuts
    so i can not imagine how trapped you feel

    it is concerning how controlling your husband sounds. my ex was very controlling and as i 'rebelled' he got abusive, maybe you should talk with a counsiler at an abuse center, they are professional, deal with these issues all the time, and you can be totally anon, it may help to talk about how he treats you with someone that hears it all, nothing will surprise them (unfornately)

    control from one person over another is the cornerstone of an abusive realtionship

    vent away, it feels good to get it out, but maybe you need more than just venting??

    Answer by boredmom44 at 8:59 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Since he thinks what you do isn't a "job" as well, then he needs to find someone to hire to cook, clean and take care of the kids. If you don't do anything worthy of being respected as "work," you wouldn't want to make him into a liar. Tell him you're not doing it any more and that he needs to find someone to cover those things; if sitting at home all day doing nothing is what he thinks you're doing, then do it.

    I'm a SAHM and I'd have a fit if my DH said something like that to me. We give our husbands the ability to have a family and to go out to work to provide without having to worry about who is taking care of the work at home and raising the kids. Without us, they could NOT have what they have. Therefore, what we do is just as important as what they do, if not more-so. If you're not contributing to the family and are just another-dependent, then so be it. (cont.)

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:01 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • let him worry about how to get the work at home done then.

    When my husband is home, I regularly ask him to take turns feeding, changing and playing with our son. After just a few mintuted to an hour, he is exhausted. He doesn't even go there with the "I have a job, it's my money, my house" crap with me. He KNOWS that without me, he COULD NOT maintain a home or have a family. ALL moms are working moms and our shift NEVER ends. We NEVER get a break and We NEVER get to "leave work and come home."

    He needs a reality check. I agree with another poster. What he said to you was very controlling. I would have had a fit.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 9:05 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Well you are letting him treat you this way.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:23 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Since this isn't a question but you have others in the same boat why not form a group and figure out how to handle your situation together? However, this is where you ask questions. Venting is for your homepage journal. Others read that as well.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Anon- As you can see I posted this anon, that's why I wanted to post it here and not in a journal for all my friends and family to see! Or form a group for them to see! I am not one to air my dirty laundry out like that. But I needed to vent and this was the best way to do it, anonymously and safely!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:34 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • start keeping a diary of what you do everyday, don't say why if he asks and don't even tell him about it. leave it out where he can look at it if he wants. that way he'll see that you work just as hard as he does.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 AM on Oct. 5, 2009

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