Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would you find this weird?

My dad passed away very unexpectedly on July 5th. He had been married to his second wife for about 20 yrs. My parents did not divorce until I was 19, so she was never really like a mom to me. Anyway, my sibs and I had already gone to the house to collect some things that belonged to our dad a month back or so. Today she called me to tell me she found a few more things. I told her I could pick them up on Wednesday. She said she would just bring them to me...at work...I insisted she need not make a special trip and talked her into Wed. She called me bake 2 mins later to tell me the dog was getting its teeth cleaned Wed so she wanted directions to my office. She came here with dry cleaning bags of his clothes. I think it was really weird...wouldn't you?

Answer Question
 
salexander

Asked by salexander at 12:01 PM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • UMMMMM that is really weird to me also. Why was that soooooo important that she had to bring this stuff to your work place. I would call her later and ask what the importance that she had to bring this to your work and why she could'nt wait till wednesday.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 12:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Maybe this is just her way of dealing with his death...I know when my pawpaw died, my gran wanted to clean house a quickly as possible so that it didn't trigger so many memories until she could deal with them better.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Maybe she couldn't stand having stuff of his in the house. My grandmother was like that, shipped us boxes of my grandfathers clothing a week after he died. then just kept shipping stuff as she ran across it. If it was there, she would just sit and look at it and cry. She sent it to us so that someone she trusted would go through it and keep the important stuff and donate the rest. Within two months she had gotten rid of all his stuff, bought a condo, and sold the house. She couldn't deal with the memorys. Now she is greatful she sent everything to us because we were able to give her back key peices when she pulled herself together a year or so later.
    auroura

    Answer by auroura at 12:08 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I dont think its weird. As the PP's said, it may just be too hard for her to look at his stuff. Now whats weird is that shes getting the dogs teeth cleaned lol
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 12:21 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • She must have wanted them gone. I can't imagine why she would think you wanted them at work. She must be very wrapped up in her own grief that she didn't even consider your feelings. Try to reach out to her. She must be in shock even still. Not a very good sign for her. Is there a birthday or anniversary coming up?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • She either wanted them gone or was reaching out. You guys are an extension of him and maybe she just wanted to see you, but couldn't say that because you weren't close.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Maybe she just wanted to see you, she probably feels like she lost you and your siblings when he passed, she probably couldn't bear having them around anymore, don't be too harsh, just give her a call and ask her how she is doing, sorry for your loss.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:46 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Sounds odd, but I would imagine she is lonely and sad... maybe she just wanted to get out of the house and have something to do. I agree, she may be reaching out. Regardless of how close you felt to her, she may feel close to you or want some type of connection to he husband. Did not sound like you were being unkind-but maybe in honor of your Father you could call and check on her and get her out of the house some times.
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 1:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Thanks for your imput...we were never really close, but I guess seeing us in a way is like seeing him. She has two kids of her own from her first marriage, they both live out of town, so she is alone. Her mother and brother are still living, but she is retired and maybe just has nothing better to do. I never thought about us being an extension of him...my sister and I do look like him. That's whats so nice about this site...food for thought. I just found it odd that she really pushed to come to my office...I was uncomfortable with having to deal with clothes that smelled like my dad while trying to remain professional for those around me..know what I mean? His loss was so unexpected and dealing with it has been very hard, I did not want that pain to be drug out in the open in front of my co-workers.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 1:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Oh, that does sound very difficult...I am sorry to hear about that! It sounds like you did your Dad proud and put her above your own comfort. You do not need to be a martyr and do things that derail your own healing, you are only human after all. You sound like a great person, doing your best in a difficult situation- keep on keeping on and the best to you!
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 1:45 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN