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Hubby hurt my feelings and I need help

We needed a way to open up to each other and feel safe doing it, so I came up with a box idea. We each put in our "fantasies" and wait until that card gets drawn and then either try it or just talk about it.

Well, I put one in that we talked about a long time ago. We both liked it at the time, but I was half sure he wouldn't like it any more. Which is fine, he doesn't have to, but I went out on a limb and put it in anyway, wanting to open up to him.

He drew that card last night and reacted VERY badly. Now I don't feel safe putting ANYTHING into the box, much less something I'm not 100% sure he'll like.

He kind of has a history of doing this type of thing... not doing little things I ask him for to keep me feeling loved, waiting until I'm a raging bitch from lack of sex to make love to me, etc. I feel like all my efforts just end up driving a wedge deeper.

What can I do? How do I get over this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:29 PM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Talk to him. Instead of this fantasy time, have talk time next. Let him know this fantasy box that you had was supposed to be something that you could enjoy and not something either of you could be angry or take out on the other person if you didn't like it. It was a discussion time to find out what you both liked. If he seems bored with the idea, explain to him that it was your was of opening up to him and now you feel scared to do so anymore. Also, let him know that it was a way for you to get to know him because things just aren't working. You could then suggest counseling to help with your problems. Hopefully he'll be at least open to that idea.
    mom2BOYZnDad

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 12:42 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • If you are the only one working on the relationship, then it's not going to work...It sounds like the box may have been your idea or he didn't understand the thought of a 'safe zone'...it sounds like you both may need professional help. A counsilour will help you learn how to communicate better. Its' nothing to be ashamed of and it's one way to find out just how serious he is at working out your problems...If he isn't willing to go, then he isn't willing to admit that he is part of the problem.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:32 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Well, you can't force anybody to what to do things that make you feel love and cared for. If he is not comfortable at all wit the box idea or his attitude towards it is defeating the purpose of it. I would invite him to a sex therapy session because you also deserve to enjoy sex if he refuses then that should tell you that in a nutshell he is not as interested as you are in improving that aspect of your relationship and you will need to determinate if you can live with it or if is time to move on.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 12:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Thanks for answering, ladies. I should clarify that he actually really liked the box idea. When I told him that I thought maybe I should get rid of it last night he got hurt. He liked it and he does want to work on our marriage and our sex life. He's very willing to try, it's just... I don't know. It seems to me like he doesn't try very hard. I don't think we can afford to see a councilor right now anyway.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

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