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What do you think?

I recently found my husband having an online relationship with another woman. He swears that he has never went any further than just talking. In my eyes this was still cheating. However, we talked through it and decided to try and save our marriage. Now any time I touch his cell phone or try to get in his truck without him for any reason, like yesterday I left my phone in my seat and needed to get it, he yells that I am being nosey. This makes me think he is emailing other women from his phone again, or much worse. What would you think? Do you think a wife checking up on her husband is considered nosey? Even if he is known to cheat? I have never went snooping through his phone or truck trying to catch him at something and he has never had a problem with me touching his stuff before. His recent behavior makes me think that I may need to go snooping to find out if he is making a fool out of me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 PM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • He gave up the right to privacy by screwing up in the first place...if he is throwing a fit, then he has a guilty concience. There is something going on there.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 1:23 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • i always snoop... but don't look if you don't want to find anything. Just make sure youre ready for what you turn up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • I think you need to, it sounds like. If he is acting like that. He is defently hiding something.
    This is what you should do if you dare. Just go to him and say. Do you want to be married to me. If he says yes . Say then start acting like it. Stop talking to other women.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:26 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • "Checking up" is not a marital relationship thing....it's more like caretaker or parent. So no....it's not appropriate....although I understand your feelings of wanting to do it.
    HIm thinking you're nosey....well, part of fixing the relationship is HIM beign faithful in all ways, and YOU being trusting in all things.
    You're in a hard place right now. Just trust your gut.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • i have a hard time with respecting each other's "privacy" in a relationship. If his phone,wallet, etc is considered his private property, then how would you ever know if you can trust him? I don't think blind trust is healthy- we had problems early in our relationship when i found texts and a female friend that almost became more- now we know each other's passwords,etc and it's been a long time since I've felt worried about what he's up to. We don't usually check each other's mail, but it's an open option.
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 1:47 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • OP here. I just don't want him to make a fool of me. I want to trust him but I need him to prove he can be trusted. I had no thoughts of going through his phone or truck until he started having a problem with it. Why would he care now after 10 years of marriage.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • He would care now because maybe he feels you're not holding up your end of the relationship by trusting him. I'm just guessing.
    I am a VERY private person. I am also VERY trustworthy in my relationship. He knows not to, but I would have a REAL issue if my guy opened my mail, read my mail, read my emails, used my passwords to access things, etc. But it's also VERY well known with us....you only get one try....no mistakes, nothing to forgive. You fuck up, you're out.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:05 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • OP here. I never made any " Deal." with my husband. This is a marriage, I'm not buying a used car. I never said I would trust him. I told him he would have to earn my trust and my forgiveness. If he has no interest in earning these then he needs to tell me so that I can move on. There is no point in him keeping me around thinking that we are trying to work on things if he really just wants to keep me around and have his fun on the side. Which is how I feel when he seems to try real hard to hide things from me. I will not bargain or make deals. Either we work together or we move on. No deals.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:07 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Telling him he has to earn your trust/forgiveness is you holding something over his head indefinately. That is not an equal relationship. That is you above him, not side by side working together. You have to either trust/forgive, or not. He either understands and gets his shit together, or not.
    You do know that 99% of men DON'T cheat because of sex, right? Find out within your relationship, within yourself, what role you play in his world that made him feel the need to reach out to another women.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 7:56 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

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