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Need help woth discipline.

My son is 5 and in kindergarten. His teacher sends a notebook home each day to let me know how he behaves at school (this after having some issues with him), and we use a sad face/happy face system and do one for the morning and afternoon. Happy face means he had a good morning or afternoon and sad face, obviously, bad and then she writes what he did. I'm seeing a LOT more sad faces than happy. I usually send him to his room and no tv for the night but it seems like that's not working, he doesn't have a favorite toy or type of toy to take away so I feel stuck on what to do to get through to him that his behavior is not acceptable. He's said bad words, pushes, hits, throws food and is rude at lunch and gives the lunch monitor a hard time, stuff like that.

Any suggestions on things that have worked for you or things I can try??


Asked by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Oct. 5, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • :)

    Answer by Amber115 at 5:43 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Have you tried talking to him to see what seems to be going on? It sounds like something is happening.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Ask your son why he is doing this. Maybe he is bored. Maybe he is trying to make friends in the wrong way. Talk to him about it.

    Answer by tichelle at 4:11 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • OP here: he doesn't give me any indication of what's going on when I talk to him. I've taken him to the doctors to see if she felt like he needed testing for anything or if it sounded like there was some kind of underlying issue for his behavior and she didn't. I just filled out paper work through the school for him to start talking to the counselor there, so hopefully we'll start getting some answers. I just feel so helpless, I don't know what to do for him. He's very, very smart, at home he's usually well behaved, a little hyper at times but not too bad, good with his siblings... I just don't know. The only thing it might be is that his father and I are not together, I've been with my dh since he was 1 1/2 and things are good here, but he only sees his dad twice a month (unless something comes up :-/ ). At this point I feel like all I can do is try to discipline him when he does misbehave and wait until we figure things out

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • The definition of "discipline" is "to teach". What are you teaching your child when you send him to his room for the day after he tried his hardest? I would suggest taking another route. Offer a reward for good behavior. An ice cream cone alone with mom, a trip to the dollar store, fake cash so he can save up and buy something bigger, a special trip to the park, a stay up late night, movie night with dad. He is 5 and just starting school. My son was a handful in kindergarten and now in first grade he is doing great. He got weekly reports and reds got him in trouble, but anything else was acceptable as long as he tried. It is a lot of pressure to do well. Maybe it's the teacher. I am usually first on board to punish kids for misbehaving, but it sounds like he needs something else. There are lots of things that I don't put up with (like cuss words and disrespect) but sometimes they just need time to grow up.

    Answer by Amber115 at 5:09 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Amber, we've started rewards charts for good behavior but the kinds of things he's doing in school still require some type of consequence. He went through nursery school and preK so although his day is longer he isn't new to the whole concept of school. I do think some of it is just that he's a little immature on the social side of things and his doctor suggested doing role playing games to "show" him acceptable behavior in certain situations. So we're working on that sort of thing, and obviously I agree he needs something else other than being sent to his room and no tv for the night after a bad report at school...I just am not sure what is appropriate right now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • It won't help every kid (especially my 4 year old LOL), but I had to change my son's diet. I had to removed all corn syrup from his diet because he is allergic to it. Once I removed that (from EVERYTHING) he was doing better within 2 weeks and a different kid within 2 months. He used to hit, kick, bite, talk out, fidget, argue, and bounce around, and of course his ears stopped working (LOL). The doctor thought he was ADHD until the meds made everything worse. Every kid is different and it can be a long haul, but if you think you are frustrated, imagine how he feels. I ask my son what he thinks should be done if he *blank* again, and he will say "No T.V. for a month." I laugh and tell him that is not very practical, so we use video games (I will take away his favorite one for X amount of days). If he misbehaves with his friends, then he doesn't get to play with them anymore that day, but tomorrow is a whole new day and he can..

    Answer by Amber115 at 5:34 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • try again then. I think you should give him hope for the next day. Maybe give him a chore when he acts up (clean a wall, wipe down the bathroom, clean off the table, etc.) It gives them time to think about what they did wrong, but it is over when they are finished and can have a normal rest of the day.

    Answer by Amber115 at 5:36 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Thanks Amber, those are definitely things I will keep in mind and try out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Oct. 5, 2009