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Okay I do not know what to do...

Alrighty... My Mom just started seeing this man named Tom. The first time he asked her out he wanted to take her up to the mountains at night to fish... Before I even knew about this I had a dream that someone was taking her to the mountains and it was a bad thing... Well I told her and then she brought up this man asking her there and she decided not to go. well she started dating around with him and he told her he didnt want anymore kids or grandkids and he wanted to move her to oregon(we're in Ca)... My Mom was like "wait I have a 13 year old daughter at home that im still raising and a grandson on the way" she ended up breaking up with him cause of all that. Well he apologized and they got back together. My DH and I live with my Mom.. We help her. When they got back together he asked "are your kids ever going to move out?" uuh hello we're helping each other... And in my family, family comes first! We can all

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Oct. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Live together and be happy. My Mom is super excited about my baby due in December. He will be the first grandchild… My Mom decided to date him and see if things go anywhere or get better, but she has said she isn’t gonna marry or move in with him…. Anyway he called today and asked to talk to my DH not me….
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • And he asked my DH if he and I would like to go with him to pick out a ring for my mother.. This guy has already proved weird and anti-family.. Now after 3 weeks he wants to marry her… ALSO my animals are deathly afraid of him, and when he is around my 13 year old sis said my Mom ignores her. Which is something I have seen. So should I say something? If so what should I say. Ive mentioned to my Mom that cuz she has a man doesn’t mean she should forget her child who is still quite young. She will come to me for homework help or dinner or whatever not my Mom… My mom just said we were “jealous” and “you can never let me be happy” yadda yadda… IDK what to do should I just let it happen and hope for the best or should I try and protect my Sister and my Mom who seems blinded by this weirdo man???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Yeah, I'd be uncomfortable, too. BEST case scenario he's awkward and says and does the wrong things but is really a nice guy. But he does sound odd and at least someone to keep an eye on 'til he proves himself. I'd want to say something, too, but it sounds like your mom doesn't want to hear it. I think I would just let her know very clearly, "Mom, I feel really uncomfortable about Tom." If she's willing to talk, she'll ask for more. If not, she'll shut you down, but maybe she'll keep that in her head and it will affect her decisions. Good luck!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 8:08 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Any man that wants to get married after 3 weeks is well .... it's not normal. Any man that doesn't like kids, and wants to marry a woman after 3 weeks with a child is well .......I would not go and pick out a ring or be involved in it. And the damn dog don't like him, and believe it or not, unless he works in a slaughter house, animals sense things. You can't tell mom what to do, but I would be worried myself.
    SEEKEROFSHELLS

    Answer by SEEKEROFSHELLS at 8:16 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • It sounds weird to me too... I think I'd do a background check on him. A whole lot just doesn't sound right to me. Wanting to marry someone after 3 weeks is unusual but not something I've never heard of but the not wanting kids etc thing... umm... she's already got kids and as for the house thing... it's none of his business at this point.
    I'd get on that background check really fast. If possible, I'd get his fingerprints to run a check incase he's using an alias. Something about him just really sounds scarey to me and I don't even know your Mom but the situation makes me uncomfortable too (just imagining it's my Mom is enough for me).
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 8:20 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • Well, it's alright for you to be loved,it's alright for you and your family to live in your mom house,but,if,a man shows your mother interest,and your animals don't like him,he is a terrible person. Could it be,he loves your mom,and just maybe he thinks her children are free-loaders,and he want her to be at peace. Before,you bash me,or get upset at my words,is it possible when they are alone,maybe your mom could have said she want to be alone.Too many times grown kids think they have a right to be happy,but the parents don't have that right.,you gave 6 reasons why she shouldn't be happy,and then you said,he don't know,we are a family,please don't make your mom choose between her love and happiness,and you.Talk to your mom,and listen to her wants,I think your mom is in love,oh,3 weeks isn't too fast to fall in love. I know ,we felted in love in 3 weeks too,that was 22 years ago.My family didn't understand either,lol.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • They say kids and animals have the best judgement. If they do not like him, I would be the same way. Your mother is caught up in love and it might take something awful happening for her to see what is going on. I hope she wakes up before something bad happens, but I doubt it. I would have all family and friends who have seen and been involved in this situation sit down and have an intervention with her. This might wake her up, or push her farther. I hate to say it, but your mother is on the edge and it can go either way. I wish I could be better help. Good luck.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 10:31 PM on Oct. 5, 2009

  • So, what did this man do,he wanted to take her fishing,he wanted to take her away from worrying,he wanted to know when would her grown married daughter move out on her own. Yep, I see this all the time,you are afraid to go out on your own,so you want to keep telling yourself that your mom needs you.I got the feeling that your mom is telling him how she feels,and he just reacts to it. Your mom is grown,why do you think she don't have enough sense to know who to fall in love with. How would you feel ,if,your mom talked crap about your husband,you would still love him ,wouldn't you.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:32 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • anon :10 I believe you misunderstand... My mother is a california state worker. You may have heard that all state workers were cut 15% to help with Ca debt. DH and I dont own our own home but my Mother does. After she was cut she was going to lose her home and asked us to live with her. She asked us here. We aren't freeloading. We help with her bills so she wont lose her home. I wan't for her to be happy. It just seems to me this man wants her to forget everything but him. He doesnt want kids or grandkids to raise he told her. My little sis is only 13... My Mom can't just get rid of her. Dh and I can get our own place again, but my sis cant. Ive talked to my Mom about moving out and she doesnt want us to. especially with the baby on the way she is way excited. So I really doubt she said anything of the sourt to that man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • I was speaking on,,when a woman is laying next to her man and feeling secure,you don't know every conversation they have,do you tell your mom everything about your husband,now,that you tell me she is a social worker, makes me believe she is a very educated smart woman,who knows how to judge people,she has to have a good judgement of people to be a social worker. What, I am saying let your mother follow her heart,if,it don't work,let it be her decision.If, you live in the home with her,wouldn't you know if your mom was mis-treating your sister,I think he was talking about you and your family,not the minor child.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

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