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Could I use the internet to find my dad's birth mother?(PIOG)

I know he was born in april 1967, she was attending Duquesne University in Pittsburgh PA and her last name was sexton. Could I find her using that information? My dad has no interest he said "she didn't want me and I don't want her"

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Oct. 6, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • probably
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • You can try. May I ask why you are wanting to find her? If your dad is against it I'm not sure why you are wanting to do it against his wishes.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 1:48 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Even if your father has no interest - if YOU have an interest in connecting with your birth-grandmother then yes, you have every right to search for a biological family member seperated throught adoption.

    But.....reunions are delicate things and when some family members desire reunion and others don't (or don't as much) then it can get pretty emotionally charged.

    I would urge you to read up on reunion - most of the books will be geard towards adoptees searching or birth parents searching but you will find lots of practical advice and lessons learned that will apply to you as a birth-grand child searching for your grandmother.

    Sometimes people think that only the adoptee and birth parents are the ones affected but in reality even those generations away can feel a need to find and reconnect to family members that were not able to be raised within their original families.
    Good luck!!!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:54 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • It sounds like you have a fair amount of information. Have you tried Googling her name? Have you tried looking for Duquenes alumni or on Classmates.com?


    Here is a link to the Adoption Search Resources group. You'll find some tips there: http://www.cafemom.com/group/35065


    And I agree that you have every right to find your Grandmother regardless of what you Dad wants.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:57 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • you should edit your question to not include as much info as you've given on a public message board...(particularly her name) there are people out there that would and could use the info in a way that you have no intent on.
    Be safe- there are wolves out here in cyberland
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 8:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • I guess the reason I was questioning was you say your dad's birth mother not your birth grandmother. It sounded to me as if you are interested possibily in finding her for him. If it's for yourself then you will also need to consider how this will affect everyone else. Your adoptive grandparents being one of them. By finding her you can open a whole can of worms on both sides. Please take everything into account before you proceed.

    As many know I am all for knowing the birthparents IF both sides want it. I found my dd's bdad when she turned 18 because that is what she wanted. Luckily it worked out for her. Not so good for one of my other daughters. I just think that both sides need to consider the feelings of the other when they start searching. It's not about one person's rights but rather about BOTH peoples rights including your own father.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:12 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I find it sad/tragic that some adoptees are so convinced that their birth moms did not want them. There are so many reasons why moms relinquish, but, it is rarely because they do not want to parent. Finances, pressure from family, agencies, religious figures, etc are only some of the reasons that birth mothers relinquish. A good thing for me about reunion is that after being found, I was able to let my son know that I loved and wanted him. Relinquishing him broke my heart.

    I agree that if you want to find your birth grandmother that you have a right to do so. Maybe you might consider educating your dad about birth mothers while you are searching. That way if you find her, he might change his mind if he understands better what might have motivated her decision.

    As for "opening up a can of worms," I always find that comment amusing. It's not like mom ever stop thinking about their children. So many people consider......
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 3:51 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • reunion as a possibly negative experience, and of course, sometimes it can be. But, I do not think enough emphasis is placed on the positive possibilities for reunion. As a mom who was found, I won't pretend that it was easy, but, I believe that I needed our reunion to achieve some healing and resolution. Reunion is what you make of it, and if you have the right attitude and are ready to work at it, it can be such a good experience. For birth moms, being found can provide a great deal of resolution and often, finally, some peace.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 3:56 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Reunion is not always negative nor is it always positive. I've seen both sides of it with my own daughters. Yes there are many reasons why a mom surrenders her child and some of them have been listed but then there are others that aren't so nice. Abused by a spouse/other, drug abuse, jail time, homeless, simply don't want a child, rape, medical problems, death, and the list can go on and on.

    Also there are those few bmoms who truely never think about the child that was given up, removed, etc. They are thrilled that there is one less hinderance in their life. I wish you all the best in your search but please keep in mind that there are others involved not just yourself. Hopefully your dad will agree to meet her if you can find her but if not you need to accept this and have your own relationship with her. You also make no mention of bdad. Are you planning on trying to find him?
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:54 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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