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How should I go about taking my 13 yr old out of state with me? She lives with my step father for few months and doesn't want to move out of state?

They live next street over, she phys. lives with him because of her cats but stays with me 3 - 4 nights a week. Im moving at the end of this month out of state and told her she has no choice but to go with me. I am the only one who has custody over her. She said she would run away if I make her move. My stepfather (my mom has passed away) said he would call the cops and DCF and tell them lies if I try to take her. My friend we are moving with can not risk being harassed by law or DCF (not because he is in trouble but because he is in custody battle w/t crappy ex wife). We will be taking her dog, but not her cats or rabbit, which I found homes for. I know there will be so much drama when it comes time to move and my step dad will start so much. So do I just take her when hes not home or do I let them say bye and deal with his threats etc. continue in first answer below, please read it too.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Oct. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (13)
  • Or should I call the sheriff dept and tell them whats going on and see if they will meet me there? My step dad seems to think if he calls DCF they will take her from me and he will get her. And thats not the case, he dont see that. She will go to her birth father who is a druggie drunk, and abusive. But they have no reason to take her from me, I support her, food, clothes, etc... and she does stay with me more than his house after all. I just dont want al the drama, so Whats your input on how I should deal with this? No bashing please, just some good advise. Thanks

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Go to the cops and tell them your story and asked them what will be the best thing to do. I have a question. So she stays with her father or your stepfather?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • i say go to the cops and see what they say. i had to do the same thing with my mother with my kids. i had the cops go with me to get them, and she called me everything in the book. then ended up calling child welfare on me the cops saying i was cooking drugs and using. it was alot of drama but my kids was worth every bit if it.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 10:08 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • She stays with my step- father. We moved in with him shortly after my mom passed away. and I moved out few months ago. She wanted to stay because of her cats. i figured it would be ok because I can see their back yard from my house and she stays with me 3 or 4 days out of the week anyway. But he has a new girlfriend to take care of him now. When my mom was alive he was nothing like he is now. He did a complete 180 for the worst when she passed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • my kids and i also lived with my mom, but when i moved out thats when she tried taking my kids, but she couldn't because she had no grounds to do so. you can private message me if u want

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 10:15 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • okc-mom-2 lol I already had pm'd you...

    Answer by JustPlainOlMOM at 10:23 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • You need to talk to a lawyer or someone at the court about custody. In Indiana you can't take a child out of state without the other parent's permission or a judge's order. Even for a day. It's kidnapping. You need to find out if you can leave the state.

    If you can leave the state then the cps where you live now won't do anything to you. They don't cross state lines. It would be up to the cps where you move. They are used to drama like this.

    Are you sure you want to move her away to live with a guy that has his own drama going on. She is going to hate you. You are going to have a lot of problems with her.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:48 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • The guy is my best friend, we will not be living with him, we will have our own place. She will have to get over it and in time she will. I have job offer out of state plus family and life here isn't good. As for her birth father, he seen her once by accident. HE wants nothing to do with her, so no issues there. She has 4 more years of school, after that she is free to move where she wants. I can't live in a state where Im making no money and have nothing just because my teenaged child doesn't want to move. When my mom moved us here 20 years ago, I was unhappy and resented her. But in time I made friends and was ok with it. never cared for this state, but I was ok with it.

    Answer by JustPlainOlMOM at 11:49 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • I know you don't want to hear this,but, I am putting myself in her place,first hand ,she is 13,that's a enough right there,next thing,you are asking this child to give up an awful lot to make your life complete,everything you mentioned,revolves around you,move with your friend,got a job for you, need more friends for you.Now,on the other hand,your DD is being told to give up everything she love,a grandfather, her friends, her pets, her school,and on top of all that,she just loss her grandma. Sometimes, it get hard, but,before you think about calling the police on the person ,who tried to help you when,you needed it ,I would about it,you seem like you are more concern about what your friend is going through with his wife,now that's really not your business,since he is still married. Focus on your DD,let her stay with her Grandpa,so she can finish school,and it won't interfere with your boyfriend.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • OK I failed to mention that "grandpa" drinks nightly and uses threats and guilt to keep her there. That is the main reason I let her stay there, yes Im allergic to her cats and during pregnancy I could not take my meds to be around them. But he threatened me to do all kinds of crap if I took her out of the house. So I didn't want to start drama at the time with her so I let her stay (keep her stuff there). Grandma passed in 2007, and we moved in with him to HELP him. He never once helped me out, ever. But I promised my mom before she died that I would look after him until he was able to move on and he did. Now he is dependant on my child, but lies to her and has pawned things of hers with out her knowing to buy beer. My child does not need to be in that house, but the only way I can get her with out a long drawn out drama is take her when I move to Texas. yes it is a big step for her and its about me but will benefit her too.

    Answer by JustPlainOlMOM at 10:23 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

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