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should i let my son live with her?

my DS 15 is getting off probation this month. we use to live with my mom in a small town here in oklahoma, but when my son got into trouble we moved away. now that he is getting off probation he wants to move back with my mother. she is very ill and only has a few months to live, and he wants to move back to help her. i'm just afraid he is going to get into trouble if he moves back. i have tried to get her to move up here but she wants to die in her home. what should i do? she lives 2 hours away from me. any advise.


Asked by okc-mom-2 at 10:27 AM on Oct. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • i would let him move back with her and help her out,but make it clear that this is to prove to u he can be responible and trusting,tell him he dont get any chances to mess up down there.its different with the situation of him taking care of hie grandma.tell him thats what he is going there for to take care of her.

    Answer by angelairelan at 10:50 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Well, you know your son better than any of us.  Is he using this as an excuse just to go back so that he can be wild?  Or is he really wanting to help out?  My answer would be no but thats me.  What do YOU feel like you should do?


    Answer by Katrina3016 at 10:36 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Hell No - she is ill and the last thing she needs is a rebellious teen romping all over her. It's your responsibility to help you mother and your responsibility to raise your son. A 15 year old boy is not equipped to take care of a ill and elderly lady. I think It's inappropriate for you to even consider it. He loves her, and I get that, but this is not a time to be taking a chance with either one of them; he needs guidance and she needs care. If she is going to die soon because she is that ill, she can't handle a 15 year old and it's completely unfair to expect her to.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 10:37 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • If you don't let him live with her for her last few months he will never forgive you. I have never forgiven my mother for decisions she made about my grandmothers.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:38 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • i do know i will miss him alot if he goes. i know he really wants to be there for my mom. he loves her and is going to take her death really bad. she has always been there for him when he needed anything. he has really changed from when we lived down there b4. i'm just really scared he might try to hang out with his old friends.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 10:39 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • I worked with children and adolescents with behavior mental health. Sorry to say, just from experience and such, he will most likely begin to associate with his old friends again. A teen does not have the mental strength to do or choose differently. Rather than allowing him to move to his grandma's, if you are only 2 hours away, why can't you drive there on weekends for over night trips? If he can't deal with that as a compromise then why is he being so selfish? Death is sad but part of life that eventually he will have to deal with. And you are his mother, your mom is not his mother.

    Answer by MissHeidi0304 at 10:49 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • He probably will hang out with his old friends. It is alot of temptations to put him in. Can he stay with you during the week and if he goes to class andis responsible he can go to her house on the weekends. I know it will be a lot of driving, but maybe only for a few months and he will be working for it.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:50 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • A few months to live?  So, I gather she in hospice care. 

    I think maybe you should go together for a short time. Be there with your mother as she has a short time to live and see how your son handles the situation. See if he will help her or not.  Just access the situation to see how it goes.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • It sounds like a way for him to get away with more things. His grandmother can not put her foot down and tell him no, and he will be able to do what ever he wants. I would look for another solution. He is trying to slick, don't let him get past you.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 12:51 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Why aren't you with her if she has a few months to live?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2009