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What do you do with an 11 yr girl that wont listen and does not care if she is punished?

She does not care how her room looks and does not care what how she looks. She wont listen to what i say so i ground her and it does not sink in.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Oct. 6, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Your daughter sounds to me like a child who lacks self-worth, and if that's the case, punishment is not what she needs. What she needs is encouragement and reinforcement of all of her good qualities. Sometimes as parents, we tend to see our children as extensions of ourselves and we tend to see their "bad" qualities as reflections on ourselves, and we forget that we are to be training our children to see both sides of themselves. If all your daughter sees of herself are the negative qualities that you are pointing out, then she very well may feel that there is no need for her to try to do any better. Try approaching her from the positive side rather than the negative for a while, and see if you don't get more positive results.

    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:09 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • take away something she LOVES...like with my 11yo i take away computer time...or in the extreme tell her if you dont pick up your room and i have to everything is getting bagged....and follow through! dont give in!
    blueeyedgrl2377

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 11:00 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • There has to be something she really likes, take it away TV, Computer, video games etc. Keep her in her room with nothing to do until she decides to listen. She may act like she still don't care but she will get sick of looking at the walls eventually, and its hard to get into anymore trouble when you are not allowed to leave your room other than to go to the bathroom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • does she have a tv, video games, phone, computer? Take them all away. Her room should be a bed with bedding, and clothes to wear. Once she starts behaving with respect and responsibilty, then you can give her back things as she shows she can behave. The "i don't care" is an attitude. It can't survive forever. Be warned though, she may continue it longer than you think she can, but eventually she will give up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • dont just take away one thing that she loves..take away everything that she loves..for a decent amount of time..like tv, cell phone(if she has one), video games, computer use, if she uses makeup take that away..make her eat meals in her room...sometimes with girls at that age you need to go to the extreme..shell get it eventually.
    nillamilkshake

    Answer by nillamilkshake at 11:40 AM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • It's her room and her own body so unless she stinks or has head lice, lighten up. Let her find her way in life even at this young age. Just set down rules like no food in the room and showers on occasion for health reasons. There is a good book called Reviving Ophelia about adolescent girls and what they are going through. Pick your battles. These two don't sound like they should be pushing your buttons that hard. Shut her door if you don't like her room but it's her space in this big world. Let her have that space the way she needs it to be. She's her, not you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:17 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • What do you mean she doesn't care how she looks? What does she look like? Is she not bathing or something??
    BambiF

    Answer by BambiF at 2:47 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • If she can't keep her room picked up then she has too much stuff. Clean it out. If there are clothes that you don't like her wearing, get rid of them. You're still mom. You're still in charge.

    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:13 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • mine was and is the same way she is 12, she will go to school lookin like a rag a muffin..for the longest time she refused to do anything with her hair so i had it all cut off at least that way it looked halfway decent..as far as her room i just took everything away...she is on grounding constantly nothing phases her...so i just let her sit there and read and hopefully eventually she will get the point!! good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:29 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Take everything out of her room but her bed and books. No clothes, no electronics, nothing. You give her clean clothes, you stand in the bathroom when she showers and tell her what she has to wash. She gets no computer time (except for school), no game systems, no phones, no friends. Do not do her laundry, do not cook for her. Let her do everything herself.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:33 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

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