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feeling inadequate

I can't cook, my house is a mess and I don't feel bonded with my 2 month old daughter. how can I learn to love myself? I feel like my fiance would be better off with someone else... help me get over these feelings!

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Oct. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Have you ever thought about talking to your doctor about postpartum depression? It kind of sounds like you may want to. And take a step back, take a deep breath, and do one thing at a time. The housework will ALWAYS be there, just enjoy the new baby and get to know her. Have your SO help with the chores to lighten your load a bit and make sure that you also allow some time for yourself, even if it's a 20 minute bath to soak and relax while your LO has the baby for you.

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 9:41 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • This sounds like classic post partum depression. Have you talked to a doctor about it? PLEASE DO. No one will think you're bad for getting the help you need.

    And cut yourself some slack. Cooking is merely a matter of reading, and you can obviously read, right? **smile** Messy house? So what? Yours is probably neater than mine. I'm most concerned about the baby...but keep in mind that bonding is really infant self-defense so we don't EAT them when they're woken us up for the 15th time that night. "Warm fuzzies" vary from person to person. **smile**

    Seriously...please ask your doc for HELP. RIGHT AWAY. And please let your fiance see this too. If he's a MAN he will help you. If he doesn't help, he's not worth having.


    Answer by gdiamante at 9:42 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • 1. It's hard to have a spoltless house when you are taking care of a newborn.
    2. Cooking is overrated- it takes practice, some people never learn how to cook well
    3.More than likely you cant feel bonded because of the stress you are under and the feelings of not being good enough. Possibly it's the baby blues, which is very common.

    *Lower your standards on what you think is a perfect mother, fiance, housekeeper. You can only do what you can do at this very moment, next week could be a totally different story :)
    There's a book out called "Even June Cleaver would have forgotten the juice box" I highly recommend it.
    Feel free to msg me if you want to talk.

    Answer by Sarah1220 at 9:42 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • You need to go to the doctor and tell him/her how you are feeling.

    Answer by misty169 at 9:47 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • .....and BTW, you are far from inadequate, you are overwhelmed. There is nothing abnormal about that, most new mommies feel this way at one point or another. But as I said, you may want to talk to your doctor about it, there is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it. Many women need to get a little help to get through it, it's admitting it that is the toughest part. Good luck hon. *hugs*

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 9:48 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • Been there *hugs* talk to your fiance. I finally let it build up till it burst out of me one night and DH LAUGHED at me. He said I was being silly, he didn't want anyone else. He then said that he loved me for who I am, not how clean our house was. He said the two most important things were DS getting enough food/care and me getting enough rest. He took over one feeding a night so I could get enough sleep and made me an appointment to see a doctor about PPD.

    Answer by auroura at 11:02 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • my fiance is great. he helps clean when we plan to have guests and he does all the cooking. I have talked to him about it (i apologized the house wasn't clean) and he told me I have a full time job in caring for our two kids. he is the perfect man... and as for talking with a doc, insurance just ran out and moneys already tighter than we can manage... there bills we aren't paying as is. dd has insurance through the state and my fiance and I are on the "pray nothing happens" plan til his insurance at work kicks in.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 PM on Oct. 6, 2009

  • You are depressed. You need therapy, and possible medication. You need it now.

    For the cooking, go to the library and check out a couple of kids cookbooks (my favorite is called Pretend Soup). Once you have mastered the basics and feel a bit more confident, then go back and get a couple of regular cookbooks. The Saving Dinner series is excellent for novice cooks.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:12 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Sounds like post partum depression. Talk to the doctor and get some help.

    Answer by teamquinn at 11:07 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

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