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Anyone else have a family member they've cut off?

I have a sister that I've cut completely off. I won't take her calls and if she leaves a voicemail, I delete it without listening to it. She and I are older and it has literally been a lifetime of her habitual lies, starting trouble with anyone she can, gossiping about other family members and she thinks she's better than everyone else. She one of those people who will insult you in a coy kind of way then slam you if you dare to call her on it.

Anyhow... she's calling me again and I won't answer. Please, before you tell me that your sister died and you wish you could have her back - don't. We're talking about 40 years of emotional abuse, lies, manipulation, deceit, drug addiction and alcoholism that I've had to put up with.

Can people like that change after 43 years? I don't buy it - I fell for that twice before and she stabbed me in the back. Tell me I'm not the only one with family like this.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • wow, we must be related! My sister is the same way. I'm 27, & i cut her off. I do not take time for toxic people, family or not. I will not waste my life & time on her kind. She is evil, pure & simple.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:52 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • haha thats funny! i just posted a journal about this a little while ago!!! i had cut my mother off b/c of years of b.s. and lies...stealing my identity and such. well she called me tonight for the 1st time in over a year and i told her to go on about her life and i would mine and hung up! i dont buy her b.s. about changing and stuff...and i get so sick of people telling me that she is my mother and i need to forgive her! personally if she has been like this for THAT long...i dont think she could change. i would keep doing what you are doing if you dont want her in your life...btw im changeing my number tomorrow!
    so GL and i wish you the best, you can pm if you want to talk more.

    Answer by danette624 at 1:55 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Looks like either you and I are the only ones awake or you're the only one who gets it. Thanks for understanding. Last time I talked to her she was trying to gossip about our baby sister and I shut her down on it - then stopped taking her calls - well wouldn't you know it: within mere days of me shutting her down, I get this horrible email from baby sister basically saying that she hates me and never wants to speak to me again. hm wonder what happened there?
    I already know. And I'm not about to even try to get into it with any of them. Her and the baby sister are a lot alike - I'm sure when I wouldn't engage one sister she called the other one and twisted up anything I might have said - I'm just too old to keep playing this crap.
    As it is now, I only talk to one of my siblings - out of 7. And that sibling congratulated me when I told her about the email - she said I managed to get rid of two at one time. This is just sad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • sometimes there are just some really messed up families out there that just need to IMO fall off this earth! they cause nothing but stress and drama! those messed up people need to leave the sane ones alone! just hold your head up and go on about your business like you dont care!

    Answer by danette624 at 2:20 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Yes, kind of...
    My BIL. My DH cut him off as well. And the brother has cut us off... It all works out pretty nicely in the end.
    I'm tired of BIL's manipulation towards my DH, calling him useless, and he needs to save money and do this, and do that with our son when.. I'm sorry. He lies, he manipulates, he ridicules, he's been in jail for DRUGS, he's lost his wife, he's lost his son, he's 28 years old and lives with Mommy and Daddy, drug abuse has caused his teeth to rot and he is now forced to save up for dentures, he only calls when he needs something and if he doesn't then it's just "Fu*k, you, leave me alone. I live the way I want" I'm tired of it.
    He's blamed me for the failure of his relationship, which i had absolutely NO hand in. he's accused me of being accepted into the family with my lies and "sh!tting out a kid." He's called me a Chink.
    It's utter bull. I despise him, and look down on him.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 2:34 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I told him before, right before we completely axed him from our lives, "One day. The only family you'll have left to turn to will be us, and you'll realize much much too late, that you're long gone. I may be forced to admit your existence around your parents at times, but once they've passed, you'll be gone with them. It'll be a very lonely life for you."
    My DH hates the fact that he takes advantage of his disabled parents, but his mother especially has turned a complete blind eye to it, which really disappoints me.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 2:36 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I just get sick of the "blood is thicker than water" crap or the "family is all you have" BS. When family is toxic - you don't drink from their cup.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Sure someone can change after 43 years, but I don't find it very likely there will be a life altering change. I would suggest that you have evidence of a change before you consider giving her another chance. And remember it is not you choosing to cut her off, it is her choosing to be a destructive person. She made the choice not you. You are just protecting yourself and your family.

    Answer by Allie428 at 2:45 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Sort of. My mom and dad were very abusive and controlling and it took me a long time to get out of that. At first i set down strong boundaries but she refused to respect them so I had to stop talking to her. We didnt speak for a year (it was so peaceful) bt in that year I had my eldest daughter. When they found out they were devastated. We started speaking again and it is soooo much better. Our relationship is the best its ever been but its a superficial relationship at best. We dont like each other, we love each other but honestly, I would rather talk to nearly anyone else. We dont talk religion, politics, health, relationships or anything emotional or personal. I have rules for when I speak to her (she cannot call names, she cannot be degrading or critical) if she breaks these rules I have consequences. Bc of this we are able to talk civially,but I understand your point of view.

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 2:47 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I get it too. I read the e-mails and listen to the answering machine messages, but I don't respond. It is better that way. I got a message when my grandfather died. That is all I need from them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

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