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What do you do?

What do you do when your kid is not doing chores (only 2 per day) and not getting homework done because of extracurricular activities. How do you fit it all in if your kid wants to goof off? Do you take those activities away?

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:31 AM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (10)
  • I would at least threaten it. If you have then remove one and see if it makes a diff. If you have to take them all away then do so. School is more important than soccer or cheerleading.

    Answer by Steph319 at 9:32 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • In my house it's homework, chores then extrac. If homework and chores can't be kept up, I've told my kids then they are not responsible enough to take on the gift of extra. activities. I don't allow volunteer work either if home responsibilities of academics and chores aren't kept up.

    One thing I have never been afraid of or bothered by is my kids 'hatred' of me. They've learned from me that it's my job to teach them the respect for themselves and their things, others and then when they leave home grownup they can choose to follow or not. This way I never have to have hindsight and say I wish I didn't let my 17 year old drive to that dance and drink, something like that.

    The law expects you to have boundaries of safety and responsibility with what's required by law (school, good health) and society expects that too from parents. Kids get mad at all sorts of things, it's growing up.

    Answer by lfl at 9:37 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Yeah you gotta do something, start taking away privileges for not doing chores and activities for school work. They might think they hate you for it but you know you are doing it for their own good.

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 9:39 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I know kids are so ungreatful and it is to be expected when they hit their teen years. But teens are sometimes EXTREMEMLY in your face ungreatful......sorry. I dont have teens yet but I day dream about that rough time We were all teenagers at one point in our life.

    First, be a good role model for them. How can you expect them to keep their room clean if you dont keep your own room clean? (Well this is the case for us personally lol)
    I would suggest you let them reap the benefits of their choices like if they dont do their laundry let them get embarrased by thier smelly clothes.
    About the homework, I would hit em hard, take that cell phone, TV, Playstation (or whatever needed) and un plug it and take it to a relatives house or a neighbor's to hold it for as long as it takes.

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 9:47 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • i dont over extend her,she has cheerleading and girl scouts right now...she has an iep and school doesnt come ive learned what her strengths are and how far she can go.she always has some sort of activity but not everyday she gets over whelmed.ya her best friend does soccer and cheer leading and girl scouts my daughter would be crazy and tired...

    Answer by nana77500 at 2:34 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • My daughter is 12 and is in ballet and tap 4 nights a week. She has worked very hard to get into the group she is in. she has been placed in a level with kids who are 15 and 16. Her extra curricular is her 'life' if you ask her. That being said Homework is first. She one time did not complete her home work. I took her to class notebook in hand and she was required to complete the assignment before she could join her class. Her instructor backed me up. The thing about this is that you can only miss so many practices before you are dropped to a lower form. She gets home around 3 and sits down to do her work. She must be in the car by 4 to get to class by 4:45. after we head home to have dinner at 7 and then she does her chores before heading to bed by 8:45.

    Answer by fourisplenty at 7:13 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I must add that her class will be going to 5 nights a week in a few weeks in preparation for the Christmas performance in Dec.

    Answer by fourisplenty at 7:14 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I think that when the extra activities begin to interfere with homework and helping around the house that it becomes time to cut back. School is so much harder now than it was when I was younger, and so much more is expected from our children. While after school activites may be skill and character building, achademics must take first priority.

    Answer by emnasmom at 8:39 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I guess it depends if my child was actually goofing off or just not getting things accomplished. There's a huge difference. My kids are both on IEP's and if I could find something that they could be proud of like dance, sports, etc. Then I would allow that before just about anything. When kids are on an IEP their confidence and self esteem can take a hit with every homework assignment. So I try to teach my kids that there are things that are more important than what grade they got on the spelling test. Problem is, we really don't have the money for those types of things. We started to do a virtual public school this year so there is no homework and my daughter is now starting to relax instead of panicking every time she doesn't know an answer. I have had to explain that the world will not end if she's wrong. So, just remember everything in balance, even extras are necessary sometimes.

    Answer by Lesli at 2:08 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I try to be realistic and look at the big picture. Homework is absolutely essential and must be done. I also think extracurricular activities are important..I would personally hesitate to take them away from a child for any reason. Kids need positive things other than school....these are essentials too. I know in my own life, sometimes I have to let chores go because of other things that have a higher priority. Of course, the pets have to be fed and that sort of thing, but I may not dust on a given day and the vacuming might wait..So, I am the same way with my kids. I don't make a big deal about "chores" because I know they are actually very busy doing constructive things. Kids basically work a full time day by the time school is done, then they have homework, and with extracurricular activities they often have less "free time" than adults do. I don't stress out over chores, but i can live with that. Everyone is different.

    Answer by BJoan at 10:44 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

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