Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If your child hits, kicks, bites, punches you, do you do it back to them?

My dh just smacked SS (14) after he tripped him and took a swing at him. I had never seen him do this before, so was surprised. Dh is not violent, but said if "my son thinks he can be violent with me, I will put him in his place".
Ok not sure what to think, have you ever done this, either when your children were younger or older?
To me it justs seems pointless and backfires, but what are your thoughts?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Oct. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • I wouldn't see that as ok with a small child... but with a 14 yr old, Im sorry, I could see doing that. If he didn't, his son would feel like he could do anything, run over his dad any damn time he wanted. Thats what isnt ok... and if more parents worked like your husband, we wouldn't have so many problems.

    Answer by Gremlyn at 10:20 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I think you DH did right. If my children think they can start being physically abusive to me. I will put them in their place too.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:22 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I have spanked and sometimes a smack on the face cheek. But that only took care of that second. What was wrong was attitude that was more than that second bad from my child. I found withdrawing privileges and taking away future special times worked far better and brought faster longer lasting better behavior. But to be successful doing that, the parent can't feel sorry for the kid.

    Set boundaries. Say loss of privleges, gifts of time and things will happen if bad over boundaries go on. 10 Minutes late past curfew, for example, in a good mood of kid but hurried and sorrowful is not to me a bad behavior. 25 minutes late with a nasty attitude or later and nasty or not is reason to with hold privileges. Don't start what you can't finish.

    Answer by lfl at 10:22 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • On top of the slap. All his PERKs would be taken away. Cell phone , computer, TV, you name it it would be gone.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:24 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • IN the heat of the moment, I can understand why your DH did that, not saying its right or wrong, but I can understand. That is a tough one! I think it would have been better to grab and hold him down around the arms, like restrain your 14 yr old, until he calms down. Easier said than done........

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 10:35 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • DUH--HELL NO!!!---just let them know at an early age that you are the parent , the boss, the almighty ruler of the their lives until you die, and it works, my mom did that to me and her and I still talk everyday. I am single mother and I have to do it all alone, they need to respect me or it would be chaos!!

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 11:31 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • At that age, I agree with your hubby. Child is old enough to know better. A younger child, I will just so they know what it feels like, but don't do it terrible hard and not more than once. I believe if they understand that what they are doing really does hurt, they'll be less likely to do it. Beyond that, it's just time out and loss of the use of their hand or foot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • If your kid is getting physically violent I wonder what that kid has seen to go there. I would be pissed if my husband hit our kids. Acting like a child to correct a child's behavior is counterproductive and what morons do.  You 14 year old learned that your DH is as childish as he is and that violence in the home is acceptable. 


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I wouldn't do it back b/c for me that is kind of tell your child that it is okay to hit, bite, ext. My daughter hits sometimes and I usually just hold her arms down and tell her no you don't do that. I think when kids do that they are just trying to get a response out of you, and for me I don't want that response to be a hit back... I think kids learn what they see and if they see you hitting than they think it is okay. It's all what works for you though, good luck!!

    Answer by Trishy7 at 12:36 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • My 4 yr old punches me and when he does he goes to timeout and when he gets mad and keeps it going he cant play outside for a day I tried to whip him before and it made it worse he hates to have his "me time" taken away that hurts/helps him more then a whipping ever did

    Answer by MICKIESLOVE at 12:47 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
No more shots

Next question overall (Kids' Health)