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how do you make the decision on your spouses quality of life

my wounderful husband of thirty one years is dying of liver problems brought on by his immune system. his antibodies are literaly attacking his liver. now i have to make the decision to use means possible to keep him alive should things go bad. hes in alot of pain, he sleeps all the time, and cant hold a conversation. i want to do whats best for him. i also dont want to be selfish and keep him alive for us.

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stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 10:49 AM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • sorry to hear your story

    is he able to let you know what he wants?
    what is his beliefs about life and death and God and afterlife?
    does he have a living will concerning his wants for times like this?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I'm so so sorry you are in this situation.
    My personal beliefs. Never without food or water. Try not to withhold antibiotics. But all forms of resustiation are out. Only enough pain med to keep him comfortable. Don't purposely give him enough to end his life. In other words sign the DNR and let nature take its course.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I agree with above. He dosnt sound like he has a quaility life in this state. I would wantto be let go. Give meds for comfort but I wouldnt want to be continually saved if laying in bed incoherent wasmy fate. ((((HUGS)))) Has to be hard to do but knowing you are letting him go in peace and not keeping him here in pain has to be comforting...praying for you!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:10 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I agree with anon 11:01 for how to end things if that's what you choose to do. As to what you should choose, have you spoken with the dr in detail about what is going on with his body, what will continue to happen and how long he can be expected to live with and without other means? If you haven't, if all you've been told so far is that this is happening and make a decision, I would speak to the dr and get some details. Ask what exactly is happening to him now, how much pain is he in (I know you say a lot, but find out if it will get worse), what will happen in the future, how much pain he will be in then, how long he will live if you do not use other means, and how long he will live with other means. Have you two discussed before what he would want? This is a tough decision, and I am so sorry that you have to make it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:17 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I'm am so sorry.
    My mom passed away a few months ago and this is very hard. The most important thing is to make sure they are not in to much pain. We had nurses come to the house and helped us a lot.
    God Bless you and your family
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:45 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • My dad had liver cancer in the end he was in so much pain he begged us to kill him. We took him off all support and he died two days later. I did what was best for him he wanted to go and be pain free. I would want my family to do the same for me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I have worked with many people at the end of their lives. Sometimes the family of the person dieing would fight so hard to keep them alive it would only prolong their misery. Keep him on pain meds, make him comfortable as possible, I don't like feeding tubes at all...but that is my personal opinion. Maybe you can talk to someone from hospice? I am sorry you have to go threw this
    Bjoycassell

    Answer by Bjoycassell at 12:06 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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