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Confused...

I've been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years, we have a 7 month old daughter together and we are very happy. We hardly ever fight, we just have a great relationship.
Last year he asked me to marry him, and we said we would get married on our 5 year anniversary. This is on April 21st, 2010.
So it's October and he doesn't even want to talk about wedding plans. We haven't even looked at places to have the wedding, or talked about who's invited or anything.
So last night I told him Im sick of pretending to be engaged. And that it is stupid to say we're engaged and not be planning a wedding.
Does he not want to marry me? Or is he just being a man and procrastinating?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • what do you mean he doesn't even want to talk about it? like, you bring it up and he just says "I don't want to talk about it" maybe he's scared of something changing since you seem to have such a good relationship. what's the hurry to get married anyway?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:29 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I would say hes just being a man. get some friends and or family together to help you plan it, my experince is men dont care about details, yall already set a date together.
    sarahdicksonjr

    Answer by sarahdicksonjr at 12:29 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • If you want to get married, just go and do it, ask him if he doesn't want a ceremony or if he is nervous about the commitment. Good luck!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:35 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • not to be rude but yes he is just holding you at arms length. he likes the relationship but doesnt want to commit. I was just there. I left my bf of 5 years after having his baby and an engagement ring on for 3 years and no freaking wedding. He called me and introduced me as his wife and i started to correct him infront of people. and flat out say - no i'm sorry i'm just his girlfriend we are not married. he hated it.
    roxyann76

    Answer by roxyann76 at 12:46 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Men don't really get into the wedding stuff. If everything seems on course with your relationship plan the thing without him just tell him when and where to be.
    Slinkee

    Answer by Slinkee at 12:53 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • A year ago and a half ago we were planning our wedding in the beginning he felt like we talked about it way too much can we not talk about this for a while ok sure. as the day got closer and closer he realized I was smart about the planning. It pays to plan ahead not only financially but it is easier to get the things that mean the most to you and its a whole lot less stressful. I say talk to him about it once or twice a month just to run things by him.
    lady-J-Rock

    Answer by lady-J-Rock at 1:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I have the exact same story. Just change 4.5 years to 3 years; 7 month old to 8 month old; and April 21, 2010 to June 6, 2010.

    Do you mind if I just sit back and listen to your answers? I'm in the same boat.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 1:25 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • My eperience with this very same thing is that mine wanted me sort of tied to him, not seeing anyone else, but not have an actual committment to me. That way it seemed anyway, if he didn't want to be around anymore he didn't have to go through a divorce and all that. We were "engaged" for years until I finally had it. That might just be me but honestly that is the first thing I think of when someone says something about their engagment that has lasted for years.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 1:35 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • i don't get it at all. when my husband wanted to marry me he was all about lets have it in 2 months. i was like no way who could plan that in 2 months. so we set it for later but moved it up again. it could be with you though that since you live together and have the children, the sex and everything a marriage usually brings that he doesn't see the need to hurry. i also wonder if he is having second thoughts like you. just make the plans without him. most men don't care to get involved anyway. so you pick the date you find the place the dress the flowers the tuxes and invites etc. just let him pick the men to be in the line. after he sees you getting the ball rolling either he'll flow with it or say something then. just don't put any deposits down until he sees your serious and jumps on board. like maybe looks at the flowers, tuxes, dresses and invites. also hit him with a date first. say i set this date.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 1:40 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • could be either way
    1) he is a typical guy and does not want to plan the day, just rent tux and show up
    2) he is committment nervous or whatever level of fear

    you have to ask him
    if it is the first one, no worries, plan the day the way you want to with some girlfriends, sisters, mom, mil, anyone female...he can show up with his rented tux, do what he is told, say yes and have a great time, if it is only the first do not give him a hard time, most men do not want to plan this day, nothing personal they are just not that into it, that does not mean that they are just not that into you=big difference

    find out which one, do not jump to conclusions because a man does not get into party planning
    boredmom44

    Answer by boredmom44 at 1:56 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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