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"I never wanted kids.. I was forced into becoming a parent.."

My SO says this or similar to other people when asked if we're going to have another baby some day. He also says that to me when I complain even the tiniest amount ie: "My back is bothering me" or "Wow, am I tired". When I was first pregnant he wanted me to get an abortion badly but then became accepting, I thought we were -past this-.

He also had told me for years before I got pregnant on birth control that he -did- in fact want children at some point, and he knew that was a dealbreaker for me in a relationship.

He is loving towards our son, but, isn't that HIGHLY innappropriate and mean? It hurts my feelings and he is aware of that. I don't know why he keeps saying it, and I can't -stand- when someone snickers. I think maybe he resents me. What do I say/do?

Btw he's even said this to his mother who yelled at him, but even that hasn't stopped it.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Why would you stay with a man who resents your child?
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP)) I think he resents -ME- not the baby.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Wow he thinks he is being cute, ask him how your son would feel if he heard it, I hope he is truly good with your son because nothing is worse than a child not to feel wanted. SO hasn't popped the question yet? Maybe he is still living in little boy land, and maybe this is your chance to evalute if you want to stay with someone who considers you "baggage". I know I would be doing some serious soul searching, life is too short to be wasted with someone who does not appreciate you!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:05 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Why do people automatically think if someone is pregnant that they WANT to be a parent? Alot of people don't want children, and there's nothing wrong with it. Being in a relationship with you and wanting children are 2 entirely different things. He may totally love you, but really hate parenthood. He shouldn't be yelled at or punished for it....it's how he feels. BUT it is what it is now....no going backwards. Offer him to leave and pay you support instead.....see which choice he makes.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:06 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • I'm sorry. This is not a very nice situation. I would not have another kid with him, that is for sure. What if you and baby moved out for a while if you had a place to go, so that he could see what life is like alone? Maybe it would force him into appreciating what he has. There may be some hope however, some people are bad with little kids. He may be fantastic down the road when they are like eleven on up? Good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:08 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • This is why we talked about EVERYTHING before getting married. I made sure I had a man who wanted all the same things in life as I did... and then he proved it by committing to me 100% by marring me. I know women say it is only a piece of paper. But if he is willing to committ that way you know he is serious. I think you made the choices to land you where you are....... so make the best of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • My husband was resentful too of our kids. Don't disrespect yourself like I disrespected myself trying to work things out myself. I think you should go to counseling now for yourself and then include him.

    Call as many offices as you have to until you find one. Catholic Charities if you're Catholic does counseling. To draw him into counseling if you really want to try to work things out tell him you want to understand him better, say it without screaming or crying. That is not good for you or baby.

    He is not sitting around watching tv not helping you, only that. He is verbalizing and has his disinterest in children and you are pregnant again. Having a second baby in your home could be more stressful on him.

    United Way in your county could have different choices of counselors too. Since your mother in law verbalized disagreement with her son and agreement with you and respect of you, she is someone who might helpu more.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 2:16 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP)) I AM NOT pregnant.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP)) Our son is 7 months old.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP)) Dear answerers, I threatened to leave when our son was 3 weeks old over other things, and he said and I quote "If I did not want to see our son grow up, I'd say don't let the door hit you on the ass." It broke my heart. I am broken-hearted and do not understand why having a child he loves was such a wrong thing to do.

    I guess I am living in denial. He is not very nice to me. He is hostile, actually. I do not cry, I do not yell, I don't even argue. I just try to be pleasant.

    I don't want to be a single mother. I have a graduates degree and won't be able to finish college for a long time as a single mother. I also would have to live with my parents then probably work a mediocre job til I could slowly get my ph.d.

    I think living unhappily for a while is better than living in poverty.

    I just wish it didn't have to be this way, and was hoping someone had a magic solution to making someone be nice to you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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