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ok this morning my husband threw me in the ground and started kicking me spit in my face hit it me i called the police he got arrested. i know i did the best thing but i feel a littel guilty i called his mom and she is not going to help him out she backing me up and nobody wants to anything for him. what should i do is he going to be able to get out of jail? should i help him? i dont want to be with him anymore. im leaving to a shelter for abused victims cause i dont have job a cant afford the apartment

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Don't help him at all, then you are enabling his behavior. Run away and NEVER look back....NEVER

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • You should take whatever you can out of the house that you and your kids will need. see if you can store it at a friends. Go to the shelter and ignore him if he tries to contact you. Get a restraining order and dont help him. He deserves this punishment. You keep your focus on being safe and taking care of you and your kids. You did the right thing! Move on with your life and stay single til you are secure and strong enough to pick a good man for your family. Just be there for your kids, get a job and focus on building your life back...dont go back to the jerk..he WONT change, it will only get worse.

    Answer by ria7 at 2:57 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Where are your parents? You need to file a restraining order ASAP--don't cave in and don't go back, can you go stay with his mom? Make sure to take pictures of all bruises and marks and be sure to file that restraining order, also the shelter will help you find a lawyer to seek full custody of your kids, I am sorry this happened to you! Stay strong!

    Answer by kimigogo at 2:57 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • dont feel guilty ! he abused you and you did the right thing, by calling the police. let him sit in jail to think about what he did and leave him. i know just getting up and leaving isnt as easy as it sounds. dont fall for the "i'm sorry, I love you and will never do it again" excuse. I've been there! it took me a long time to leave an abusive relationship because we were together for a long time, but leaving him was the best thing I did. go that shelter and best of luck! :)
    how long he stays in jail depends on when the arraignment takes place and when they set a bond. I recommend you dont get involved and let him make the phone calls to a bondsman, family or friends to help bail him out. you are the victim and he doesnt deserve a pity party for being in jail!

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 2:59 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • make sure you do go to a shelter
    these women have dealt with this issue time and time again
    you are so not alone in what he does to you

    life will get better=promise you

    been there, done that

    and my life is so much better than before-it does not even compare, I too left with nothing, but things can be replaced, you are on the right path, I am so happy for you-because I know how your life is going to improve and quickly you will feel good about yourself, it is not easy-I am not saying that, but leaving him is the hardest part and everything from here on out will be like a warm summer breeze (as long as you stay away from your abuser

    promise me that you will not go back to him and I promise you that your life will be wonderful

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • i think that if he was arrested for domestic abuse he can not see you for 72 hours, now that is the law, but that may not stop him. so you need to call police department and see if and when he will be released. you should be at the shelter already at this time, once he is out, he very well could be more pissed than before. When a woman leaves her abusive partner, that is the most dangerous time
    abuse is all about control and he has lost his control once you leave, then he very well may increase his abuse

    BE CAREFUL, go to the shelter, and continue to be aware, he is dangerous to you and your loved ones if he can do that to you

    Answer by boredmom44 at 3:07 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Should you help him? NEVER

    Get all the money you can out of the bank. Call your joint credit cards and tell them you lost your credit cards. Tell them not to send new ones right now. Then he can't make a bunch of charges.

    Take the best car.

    Get everything you want. If you have help get everything while he is in jail and put it in a storage building. Leave his personal items. Take pictures of any damage he did to where you live.

    See a lawyer right away and file for the restraining order, divorce, $ until the divorce (I forget what it's called), custody, and child support. If you aren't working file for your husband to pay your lawyer. Get a mean lawyer that handles abuse cases.


    Answer by Gailll at 3:21 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Help him do what? He has a problem that you can't help him with. You did the right thing. Now continue to take care of yourself and your child. You shouldn't be carrying any guilt. Guilt can get you killed.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:33 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Why the hell would you want to help him??? His own mother can doesn't want to and she wasn't beaten by him.

    You helping him = you telling him it's fine and dandy to beat you up.

    When you give a toddler a time out, it only works with consistency an following through. Same goes for this.
    Jail is his "time out".
    He messed up. Huge. Let him deal with the consequences.
    If you help him then you've wasted the cops time when they could have been helping someone who actually appreciates it enough to not get right back into the same situation.

    I can't even believe this is an actual question.
    Give yor head a shake.
    What would you want your daughter to do in this situation?(if you have/had one) Certainly you'd want your kids to leave an abuser...lead by example.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • The shelter can help you file a protective order to keep you safe longer. See a doctor, even if you have no insurance. Get photo and medical evidence of your injuries. The state can drop charges against him if you do not have documentation of your injuries.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:47 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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