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Help please...& no bashing Im really upset.

Me & my dh has had problems since the day after I had my ds. He has became moody, he has started watching porn behind my back, lieing to me & he has cheated on me (with his first love). Things just seem to be falling apart. I keep the house clean, we have sex all the time, I cook all the time & I take care of our kids. He wont feed, bath, dress them, or even watch them so I can go pee! I've tryed talking to him. He wants to go back to his ways of drinking everyday & partying all the time & no Im not up for that. Im to the point that I love him but I dont love him. Its like Im just with him because of our kids. & to throw a buch of other crap in I just found out my lil bro is still friends with my (first love) & he talks about me all the time. I will always have feeling for my x & I wont ever cheat on my dh even though he cheated on me. I just dont know what to do. Prayer is no longer helping, Im crying all the time. Any help?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Staying together for the kids isn't always what's best for them. If you aren't happy leave him. Maybe he'll realize what he's losing and fight to keep the family together. If not you'll know you made the right choice. I know these situations can be hard. I wish you the best. Good luck.

    Answer by jenae_gist at 5:45 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • wow I understand how you are feeling in some ways... I do feel like prayer will help, just not in your timing, but God's. I think that maybe you and your dh should seperate for a little bit (the Bible says, there is a time for seperation in marriages, with the mindset to work on yourselves as individuals and get back together) maybe then he will realize how much he loves and appreciates all you do.... email me if you need to talk more... I'll be praying for you too. (also, would he be up for counsiling... maybe your church will do it for free???)

    Answer by marchma2b at 5:48 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • He sounds like maybe he wasnt ready to grow up. And it also sounds like the kids arent benefiting at all from him being around, especially if he cant watch them while you pee.
    I commend you for sticking through it and staying true to your vows, but some things are just not meant to be.
    Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP that takes effort on both ends. If only one of you is there for the right reasons and putting forth effort (you) then it will never work out. You cant make him grow up or respect and love you. You CAN do whats best for family and leave.
    Be strong.

    Answer by jenellemarie at 5:49 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Sounds like mid life crisis for your hubby. Try counseling to work things out between the two fo you and if that doesn't work. THen look at your options.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 5:49 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Let him go...don't chose to be unhappy for even one more day...he sounds like a self absorbed ass...look up narcissistic personality disorder and see if he fits the bill..if your x talks about you all the time and he is a good person, then you and your children have an opportunity for is SO short~! Choose to be happy~!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • you have to be happy too. dont be with him just because you have children together. because if you arent happy, in the long run when ur children are old enough they will feel your unhappiness and be unhappy to. if he cheated on you, its for a reason. and the saying that goes around, is true. "if they cheat once, they are bound to do it again." if you thought your relationship was going good, and its obvious he doesnt. talk to him about it. the only way you'll ever know anything is through communication. as far as him not taking his father responsibilities. dont ask him. tell him. he dont have a choice, just like you dont. let him know if he wants this, he'll try to make it work. if not, let you know because you dont have the time to waste on someone who aint worth it. ask him, if he is worth it. and tell him to prove it. you need to know if you got a good man. a man to stand by your side. to stand up for all those words he

    Answer by krisew90 at 5:53 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • told you on your wedding day.

    Answer by krisew90 at 5:53 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Personally, if it were me I would walk away I have a no cheating policy, you cheat then it's over simple as that. I am just one of those women who gave a man a chance (an ex) and then another and another and i now have a very low BS tolerance, ask my DH he will tell you if he cheats he should just pack his bags on his way to do it because he wont be welcomed home.

    I cant tell you what to do or what you should do and you said that talking to him doesnt help, it does sound like you two are on different paths in life. Take a good look at what you want for your future and try to figure out if your DH fits into those plans.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 5:54 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • leave your husband and get back together with your first love.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:57 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Thank you ladies for sharing your advice with me. I feel like I keep going in circles with him. All he wants to do is hog hunt & deer hunt when he is home. & I dont mind him hunting its just that hes gone the whole week that hes home. I hardley get to see him. & our ds crys for him when he leaves. Its horrible. He works on a rig so hes gone 14 days out of the month. No one in my family likes him, he has been abusive with me. I've even had to call the cops on him one time before when it got really bad. I think he & I are going to seperate. Hes not up for counsiling. He wont even go to church with me & our kids.......About my x he is a great guy he was the only guy that had never hit me & he always treated me good. Hes a good christin & Im not going to tak to him with all of this going on the only way I would is if me and my dh got a divorce. But thank you all so much & God Bless.

    Answer by texasmomma08 at 6:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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