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What should I do?

I am about to apply to an online christian-based univ because I want to get a degree in religious studies and work in an area of ministry, probably counseling. The problem is I want to get a divorce because I found out that my husband of two years had a sexual relationship with a fifteen year old girl when he was thirty, actually he says he fell in love with her and her parents believed him (obivously they were crazy) which is why they did not press charges. I know that the only reason that God allows for divorce is adultery, and he did not do this. His relationship with her started and ended before we met. Also I should add that he does not feel guilty about this, and has tried to make me feel bad for being upset about it. I am worried that if I leave him this will destroy my chances of getting hired by a church or ministry when I graduate. Should I stay with him so that I will be able to work for God?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Oct. 7, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (12)
  • he is sick but yes. focus on your kids!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • No you don't have to stay with a pervert. You can work for God in many ways. My father was a pervert and my mother stayed with him. He molested us. So think of your kids and don't stay with him. The first time I was married the guy was 20 years older then me, I was 17. I caught him molisting my stepdaughter. Now I've been married a long time to a Pastor (retired now). God opens ways for us to serve. So don't let him guilt trip you and mess up your life more then he already has. Anyone who tells you you have to stay with a pervert is sick themselves.

    Answer by ifollowjesus at 9:23 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • This is the OP-Anon I'm not being rude I just dont thinl that he is attracted to small children. I said when he met her she had a fake ID and he was attracted to her large breasts. He said she looked and acted older than her age. I'm by no means excusing his horrible actions but I don't tjink heis a threat to any young child.

    Answer by KSeaberry at 9:26 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP- I mean he said

    Answer by KSeaberry at 9:27 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • OP here- I forgot to check anon (above). Oh well, it doesn't matter. Thank you for you answer Ifollow. I will def leave him

    Answer by KSeaberry at 9:31 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Well, annulments are generally granted when someone has misrepresented themselves before entering into marriage. That logic may apply here.

    Have you looked into counseling? That would be a first step. If counseling cannot bring you to a resolution where you can stay married, you've made the effort and any Christian organization with SENSE will accept that. You don't want to work for one that doesn't have sense, y'know?

    And OF COURSE divorce doesn't preclude ministry. Shall I point out the Bakkers? Do a google search on divorced evangelicals...a 1999 survey showed that evangelical Christians hada higher divorce rate than agnostics and atheists!

    While the survey is a bit old, the article about it is more recent.

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:42 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • for better or for worst... this happened before you, so why punish him for a past mistake?? And who is to say that it was a mistake?? Just b/c you and I dont understand something doesnt make it wrong. Love is blind and it comes in all shapes and sizes, and ages. I dont think that child molestors or perverts should be excused or anything, but you never know what is inside someones' heart. Maybe he really cared for her and fell in love b/c of his circumstances. Who knows?? I myself was raped and stalked at the age of 15 by a 30 something-yr-old man (family friend) who thought he was in love with me. He was sick!!! But to him it was real. Find out why it was real for your hubby. Look past it and then move forward. No one is perfect and you cant be the first w/o sin to cast a stone.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • God does not want your children to live with a child molester. Any one who is a true believer in God will support your choice to leave.

    Answer by ecodani at 10:17 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • Anon at 9:03 PM
    For better for worse doesn't say for better or pervert. The way you talk if a pervert thinks he loves a child that is better?You were raped and stalked by some pervert and you give him the excuse that for him it was real. I feel sorry for you.

    OP leave this guy tonight.

    Answer by trich2u at 11:41 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

  • first of all, ladies..nothing in her post says her dh is a child-molester. the relationship he had with the young girl may have been consentual..we don't know. i don' t care, personally. it happened before the OP/dh met/married..if he hasn't given her any reason to mistrust him or his actions haven't shown any discernable movement towards repeats..i'm guessing there is something else going on, other than his past, to make a divorce possible. if you loved someone enough to marry them, why when you find out they aren't as pure as you thought, do you suddenly think divorce? everyone comes with baggage...i feel like we don't know the whole story. and its none of our business anyway..nevertheless, if i were the dh, and my wife were only concerned with her future career placement, instead of how to tend to our marriage and our committment...i guess i'd be better off with the teenager!

    Answer by thehairnazi at 11:43 PM on Oct. 7, 2009

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