Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Torn ... adoption or no? I think its best for the family ... everyone else thinks otherwise!

I had amnio done , and theres a chance my baby has DS among other problems. (YES I KNOW IT COULD COME OUT FINE!) I want to give s/he up for adoption because i dont want to take away from my 2 other normal children. Like what if we cant afford anything for them? I like to know that they have brand new everything> And i dont want them to give that up because of me.

I am leaning more towards adoption but people are telling me how wrong it is. Wrong to think of my other 2?!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Oct. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (20)
  • You should have thought about this before you got pregnant again. There is always a chance that a child could have problems. Ask yourself this, If one of the "normal" children you have right now became handicapped would you put them up for adoption? IMO I think it is horrible that you would keep this child if it were what you call "normal" but you want to put it up for adoption because it is going to have problems. I think that people like you don't deserve to have children.

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 12:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Touch choice. And please don't let anyone with a really strong opinion one way or another sway you.

    But do consider that you don't need brand new everything to have a good childhood. Lots of kids get hand me downs, thrift store items, or go without some items becuase they aren't truly necessary. You've got to ask yourself what make a child truly happy and is having a child like this really going to make the other kids unhappy, or is it just you? Are you looking out for the childs best interest or your own? It's a big committment to have a child with special needs. And if you are not able to handle it, then by all means pass the child on to someone who can. But you are really going ot have to weigh this on your own and with your hubby/SO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I dont think you should give up this child just for the sake of your other children cuase you may resent them later if you regret giving it up. I dont think you should keep a child cause your family wants you to cuase they wont be raising it. Your other kids could love a sibling with problems and learn compassion. it sould be a very great experience for them. Kids dont need everything new and that is No reason to give a child up. I would rethink the reasons you want to give child up but it dont be pressured into keeping it either if you cant love or handle it.

    Answer by ria7 at 12:32 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Also I wanted to say that giving your new baby up for adoption would teach your first two horrible things. I think if you were really thinking of them you would teach them to go with the cards they are dealt and deal with what comes your way. Teaching them that you should give your children up just because they have problems is a horrible thing to teach your kids. That is going to make them think down on people with problems, they will think those people are not good enough for their mom so they must be something to stay away from.

    I have a step brother who is handicapped and I will tell you right now, theres no way our family would be even close to complete with out him.
    I think you need to think more about what you are thinking of doing.

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 12:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I hope you are either looking for a reaction and this is not a real post or you are scared to death and not thinking clearly. Every child has the potential to become a financial and emotional strain on a family. We have kids at school that were born fine and got sick leaving them mentally handicapped, children with cancers that have emotionally/financially strained a family, even a child struck by a drunk driver at age 7 and is now multiply handicapped. If they were yours would you give them up? I believe all children should be in a loving home, so adoption would be a good option for you, followed bu having your tubes tied to prevent further pregnancies. There is always a risk when having children and if you are not willing to accept that, then you need to not get pregnant again after this one.

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 12:44 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Any child born w/ a disability i would give up ... im w/ u

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • It takes a loving mother to give the gift of a child to an adoptive couple who could care properly for the child. That allows you to care for your others. Win/win for all concerned. I think you have a good heart and a great idea considering adoption

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:05 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • O.K I'm not going to tell you what to decide. What I will advise is that there are an abundance of agencies and organizations to help with special needs kids. These include financial resourses, respite care (so you have time for the other children), activites, parenting classes and support, sibling support, etc.

    I will also tell you that having a special needs child is the hardest job you will ever love. I am the mom of two girls with special needs. I also have a typically developing child. It is hard and time consuming, you enter a world that you, at first become bewildered by, there are new words and therapies, but as time settles in you learn and you grow in ways you could never imagine. Before you make any decision research the support available, talk to other special needs parents, pm me if you would like.

    I won't say it's easy but I love my life with my special girls.

    Answer by teamquinn at 1:38 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I agree with Anon 1231---don't let anyone with a strong opinion sway you one way or the other. This is a decision you are going to have to make. It's an extremely tough one. I was told at 10 weeks that my child might be missing a limb or not form 'normally' we will know at 16 weeks and at that time you will need to make a decision. In all honesty, I don't know what I would have done. During that 6 weeks I flip-flopped back and forth. Trying to think of what was best for the child. Some people aren't 'cut out' to be parents to special needs children. My cousin was in your situation, amnio came back with a strong possibility of D/S. They didn't know what they were going to do either, they had one healthy/'normal' child at home but he didn't factor into it. It was a matter of could they really care for a child with D/S. When their son was born, he was fine. Good luck with your decision...continued...

    Answer by lissa27504 at 1:39 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • ..continued....I honestly dont think many people could HONESTLY say what they would do. You can say a million things but until you are in a specific situation you don't know. You and your husband have to make this decision together (assuming he's still in the picture). You need to do what is best for YOUR family.

    good luck

    Answer by lissa27504 at 1:40 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.