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Honestly, was I in the wrong?

If I did anything wrong in this situation I would LOVE to know, because I didn't feel like I did anything wrong. I called my soon to be ex brother in law this morning to ask him if I could have the kids (my niece and nephew) for a couple of hours on his weekend to go to a birthday party. My family and my BIL have stayed very civil and very close through this divorce, and I'm so thankful for that. My sister finds out that I called him and goes off on me for it. Telling me that if I have to anything to discuss about her children then I should call her and not him. It was HIS WEEKEND, and they are his kids too. Sheesh I'm honestly about ready to wash my hands of her because she's just irrational and mean anymore. Was I wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Oct. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • no you weren't wrong. more than likely she's just stressed because of the divorce, him having the kids, and her not really knowing what goes on while he has them. every mom wants to know what's going on with their kids and it seems to me she felt like you were going behind her back.

    but no, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Did he call her complaining about you asking? If so I do not think I would hold it against her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • If you were my sister and everyone was getting along then I would think you would tell me that you were going to try and get the kids for a few hours. i totally see what you are saying and you were just making is simplier by going thru him since it was his weekend but Im sure it is hard for her to be the last one to know what is going on with her it would curteous to just give her a heads up.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:14 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Personally, I do not think that you did anything wrong. However, I guess you should have discussed it with your sister first, even though it is HIS weekend. Then, you should have asked him secondly. Situations can be very sticky when it comes to divorces and children. Don't feel bad, just know that you did the thing that YOU thought was right.

    Answer by workingmom2003 at 3:14 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you did anything wrong. Since you knew it was his weekend to have the kids, I think it was only right to call and ask him if you could have the kids during his time. I imagine your sister is upset about everything that is going on, and splitting time with the kids, but she still should not have taken her anger and frustration out on you.

    Answer by MizLee at 3:17 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • she's probably just really upset. They're getting divorced and there's things about her kids she's not going to know or be a part of. It wasn't you that she was upset at it was the situation.

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 3:32 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • *OP* I guess I just don't see what the big deal is. It's not like I was sneaking behind her back plotting against her, I just thought it would be easier to ask him since she was going to be out of town anyway that weekend. But she's mad now and stubborn so I guess I'll get the silent treatment for a while, even though I gave her and her children a place to live rent free for almost 4 months. I always get put in these situations and it kills me, I need to have more back bone to stand up for myself. I've already apoligized to her and I don't even feel like I've done anything wrong!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I think she just wants to be in the loop. I do think I would have called my sister first and would have told her that I was going to call BIL. It's just courtesy imo

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:00 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I think she just feels like you went behind her back, even though you really didn't. I get why you did what you did, and you weren't wrong to ask him, since it is his weekend, as you say. But, at the very least, as a courtesy to your sister, you should at least let her know what is going on, even if you don't just outright ask her permission.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:27 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Even though you weren't trying to make her angry, she was probably not happy about not being in the loop when it involved her children. Just because it was his weekend and she was out of town doesn't mean she isn't their mother. She likely feels she should be informed about her children's activities if they are going to be doing something not the norm during their visit with their father.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

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