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Deperesssed...angy..unrully 14 1/2 year old boy

What do I do? He has made up stories about me accusing me of getting wasted while the kids are at school, being a lesiban, says I never wanted him and should have had an abortion. He is mean to his brothers 16 and 6 years old. He spits on them hits them etc. He wont listen to me. At night when we all try to sit down and eat or watch tv he has to cause chaos and commotion. He is in counseling...we do family sessions...he is on meds. He refueses to take one of his med. He says things like he is going to kill himself he would be better off dead. Its making me depressed to where i dont even want to be a mother anymore and feel like a failure as one...dont even want to wake up in the mornings. What do I do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Oct. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (8)
  • I know youve probably heard this a million times but dont blame yourself! Maybe try another counsellor, it doesnt hurt to look around, maybe youll find one you all really get on well with. He sounds like my daughter, only she has taken to actually trying to kill herself. But no counsellor will talk to her because she kicks off and they have to literally strap her to the chair. Just try your best to keep calm when talkin to him, and i know this may seem really blunt, but it sounds like he needs a docors attention too. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:57 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Honey, I do know what you are going through,you are doing all the right things,he's in counseling, you are trying to spent family time with him, I myself is going through a similar problem with my 15 yr. old grandson, he couldn't stay with my DD,who did everything right as a parent,but,my grandson would just have outbursts,we finally learned he was being bullied, which led him to be depressed,withdrawed,and sometimes mean. I have learned how to communicate very well with him, I have learned that even though I am the adult, sometimes you have to back away,it does no good,if he screaming,and I start screaming, I usually let him go to his room,and he will come back talk,for the pass 3 days he has been moody,not depressed,just moody,so I just give him quiet time,he had a Dr appt. yesterday, everything was fine, the Dr. was pleased.Find out do he have friends in school,ask him ,if,he is being bullied.Stay strong.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • As you can see, you are not alone! Try to remember when he is getting out of control than you have to be the one to stay in control. Relax your body language, take a deep breath, and lower your voice, even if he is screaming at you. Hands at your sides, relax, and lower your voice. He is trying to get a rise out of you for what ever reason. But try to stay in control as you are the parent.
    Kathleen2

    Answer by Kathleen2 at 7:51 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I am so sorry for all you are going through. Putting him in counseling is a good start. It seems he is going through a lot of anger which maybe from something deeply bothering him. When did this all start with his behavior recently or all along? Has there been a father in his life? Can you think of anything that may have triggered this? Does he have any problems at school? Reassure him of the love you have for him. Try calling a behavior specialist or have another doctor evaluate him. Try and spend some one on one time with just him if possible. Hopefully by doing this he may open up to you. I hope things get better for the both of you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • He needs more counseling, a change in medication an evaluation. It is NOT normal for a child to be feeling he is better off dead. There is something going on that is not right. He needs individual counseling sessions, without a parent in it. He needs to feel that he can talk to someone without you there. A good counselor will talk to him for most of the hour and then bring you in to discuss the outcome, they will NOT tell you what he said. Keep being there for him, let him know that you love him, do not push too hard or he will dig his heels in further. If the counselor you go to isn't working, find another one that your son is comfortable with. You need to know what disorder he has so he can get the proper treatment, medication and therapy.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:10 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • He takes meds . is the meds for counceling ? Never heard of a councelor giving someone meds before. Or is the meds he's taking for something else.? maybe the meds are making him feel that way. check into that.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:00 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Sometimes, the medications that are meant to help someone, make them feel more depressed or even suicidal instead. It could be possible that the Dr. should consider changing his medications. Sometimes, some teenagers just lash out. Their hormones are unbalanced, and they each react differently. Some more angrily than others. He's 14 1/2 now, and he will grow out of this stage, I'm sure. I remember being a rebel-without-a-cause when I was a teen, and I honestly grew out of it. One of my girls is so much like me....lol...sometimes, life's a trip!


    I'm sorry you're going through this tough time. Talk to his Dr. about changing his meds, and keep your heart open to your son. Keep your cool as best as you can, but don't be a doormat. This will pass...I'm positive of that. Big hugs to you, I wish you well.

    HomeMakin94

    Answer by HomeMakin94 at 1:07 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I HAVE A 14 YEAR OLD SON AND HE BE 15 ON NOV THE 1ST AND IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THANG AND I TOOK HIM OFF THE MEDS AND HES BETTER AND COME TO FIND OUT IT WAS THE MEDS AND I WILL NOT PUT HIM ON THEM AGIAN AND I TOOK HIM TO COUN- AND IT ALSO JUST GOING THROUGH TEEN AGEER , I KNOW WHAT U GOING THROUGH AND I HAT TO SAY THIS BUT A GOOD OLD BUTT BUSTING IT GOOD FOR HIM TOO AND IVE DONE IT AND IT SEAMES TO WORK . JUST HANG IN THERE DONT GIVE UP ! ! ALSO I EVEN BEEN SPEANDING SOME TIME WITH HIM AND THAT HELPS TO ..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

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