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My son just doesn't get it....

He always wants to go to my room at night. Mistakenly we slept together until he was about 8months- fell&stayed asleep on his own fine until about 13 months- then I had to put him to sleep- then in his crib where he stayed all night. Then back to falling and staying there. Now for the last month or so (he's 19M) he has to have me in his room until he falls asleep- I'll sit next to his toddler bed till he's out. For the last week or two I've been trying to leave a little before he's completely out-let him cry for 2 or 3 minutes, go back, layhim in bed give him a kiss and walk out- even though he's screaming by the time I get to the door-go back sooth, repeat, only i let him cry a little longer- he still just cries and screams. When I ask him whats wrong- thirsty; shakes his head. Hungry;no. Potty; no Want to Play?; No. Want to go to Mommy's room? YesyesYES! Once we go- he just wants to watch TV and cuddle. What can I do?

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pregojen

Asked by pregojen at 5:01 PM on Oct. 8, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • keep doing what your doing, and don't ask him what's wrong, that just gives him the idea that he can keep you busy until he gets his way. when i did this, sometimes my ds would cry for 10-20 minutes before he actually crawled into bed and fell asleep on his own. and no, i wouldn't go in there during that time. i just would leave him in there, then after 10 minutes go in there and lay him down, give him kisses and that was it. no more going in there. he just needs to realize that mommy is serious and he needs to go to bed when mommy says so.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:07 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • the vicious cycle.. I just put DS in his room read him his story, then it's lights out and goodnight. Most nights he cries for about 2-3 minutes; some night are rough, and I will end up in his room with him till he's asleep or taking him to bed with me tho. It's all just about what YOU are comfortable with as his momma. If you REALLY REALLY want to break the habit, you'll just have to let him cry for a few nights until he understands there is no other option.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • If staying by his crib was working, keep doing it! Everynight move a little closer to the door.
    1. right by his head (or where ever you are sitting right now) and make sure that you sit
    2. one foot closer to the door,
    3. another foot closer to the door
    If he falls asleep just fine with you sitting there, take a book or something with you so you can leave when he is asleep, soon you can sit outside his door and be out of sight when he falls asleeps. It not an easy pattern, but it works and it's all about patience! You have to be patient until he falls asleep, and if you go back to his crib, he will expect you to stay there everynight. Don't leave until he falls asleep though.
    mammacjjc85

    Answer by mammacjjc85 at 5:13 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I don't understand the problem. If he sleeps through the night, and it take a ten minute investment of time to get him to sleep, is it really an issue?

    I also feel it's unfair to let a child cosleep, and then be upset when they like it. If you allow a child to cosleep, you absolutely 100% need to be willing to understand that they will like it. If you want to change that habit later, that's fine. But due to the close nature of cosleeping, you are going to have to be gentle about it, because it is a huge transition from sleeping next to someone to sleeping alone. My husband works every other week night shift. As an adult, I don't sleep as well that first night he's gone, and I also have to readjust that first night he's back. A little one can't be expected to just change their habits because we do a 180 on them.
    apexmommy

    Answer by apexmommy at 6:39 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • MY DD IS 31 MTS AND I STILL HAVE TO CUDDLEWITH HER I COSLEEP UNTIL 20 MTS. SHE STILL COMES TO MY BED EVERYNITE
    piwife

    Answer by piwife at 7:35 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • My son LOVES the cuddle time too! Every night we cuddle and watch Backyardigans in mommy and daddy's room and he is usually asleep by the end. Then I carry him over and put him in his toddler bed. He is 17 months old but tried to climb out of his crib 2 months ago so big boy bed it was! He usually still comes back over with us around 4:30 in the morning but oh, well...I have to admit, I kinda enjoy the time with him in the morning. I know he won't do this forever so I am kinda enjoying the days when he still wants to lay with mommy in the morning!! We have to enjoy it while we can!
    jmoran

    Answer by jmoran at 10:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I had a similar problem not too long ago. Valen has never coslept with us, so he's completely fine with sleeping in his own room in his crib. But last month for some reason, he didn't want to go to sleep in his crib, when I would say goodnight and close the door he would start whining and make himself gag and throw up! This happened for 4 days...throw up and all, and he wasn't sick. So I started sleeping next to his crib. I did that for a few days and then instead of sleeping next to the crib I would just rub his back until he got comfy and would leave. finally he didn't mind me not staying in there with him. i'm sure it's just a phase your little guy is going through. did you just recently move him into a toddler bed? maybe he misses his crib. does he sleep with a lovey? that might help also. I'm sorry I'm not much help.
    ValensMomma

    Answer by ValensMomma at 2:12 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Be consistant and don't give in. Don't let him in your room. That is if you truely truely want him sleeping in his own room. I kinda like my kids in my bed I feel secure knowing their secure so I'm horrible at enforcing the sleep in your own room thing. Lately I have been really strict about it though because I can't handle kids in my bed anymore. My oldest is 8 and if I let her she would still sleep in my bed. The habit doesn't go away so if you want it fixed you have to do something about it now. My oldest slept with me every night til she was 6yrs.old and then I kicked her to her own room.bed and she still trys to come in my room if she can't sleep in my bed she'll settle for the floor. I just want my room back so lately Savannah and Bryana have had to go to their own bedrooms and really we all sleep better.
    2girlsMom.MN

    Answer by 2girlsMom.MN at 5:43 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

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