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Am I right to be hurting...Or am I just over reacting?

About 2 months ago my DH lied straight to my face about a girl at work stamping him with her stamp. I saw the stamp on his arm and said "what's that?" He said, "oh somebody at work stamped me...I don't remember who it was."

Well I knew he was lieing the minute it came out of his mouth. I mean honestly...HOW THE HELL DO NOT KNOW WHO TOUCHED YOU??? Well I confrontated him about it and he admitted he lied. Said he didn't know why he did it and that it was stupid. He appoligized. I cried for days. I've NEVER lied to him. It hurt SO bad.

Then a week later we were talking about masturbating (don't remember why...LOL) but anyway I kind of assumed that he hadn't done that since we'd been married other than on business trips in which I participated in over the phone (TMI). Well he said he did it in the shower sometimes. That was like a slap in the face for me.

CONTINUED BELOW...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:17 PM on Oct. 8, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Oh mama, I feel bad for u.
    For the lying, that is a huge deal and u are not at all overreacting and I don't care why he did it, he never should have. That is quite scary about the girl at work. Communicate about it and show up often.
    The shower thing, I dont like it either but try not to think of it as a personal thing. It has nothing to do with you. He isn't doing that because he's not happy with you. If you guys have sex that often then he must have a big sex drive.
    Now, the looking at other women. Some people don't get this, and maybe it is a religious thing and maybe it isn't, but I hate it too. I think it's good that he was honest and didn't lie about it.
    I too feel like looking, could be considered cheating, but not just looking, it has to be lusting. We are drawn to beauty. We like to look at Gods beautiful creatures, and that includes some people. Wanting to have sex with them is different. Sorry for your pain.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:41 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Men masturbate, there's nothing you can do to stop them. It doesn't matter how many times a day you have sex with them, they will still want some time with themselves, lol. I don't like it either and I don't always want to understand it, but that just is how it is. There isn't anything wrong with masturbation as long as it doesn't take away from the relationship and IMO there isn't any pornography of ANY type involved. I really do question why he lied about the stamp, it seems silly, maybe he knew you would over-react, and yes, crying for days about a stamp is overreacting. I'm not trying to be harsh, just honest. The last thing you want is to create an environment where he feels like he can't be honest with you, especially when he's innocent. He should've just been upfront but maybe he realized the girl might've been flirting with him and didn't want to upset you. I dunno, man logic can sometimes defy reason.
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 8:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • He said he was completely satisfied with our sex life and that it had nothing to do with that. It was just something he did and that he was always thinking about me giving him head because I only do that in the shower. It's just that we have sex AT LEAST once a day so I don't really understand why he would need to do that. I don't do that. I find it repulsive.

    Then like a week or 2 after that in another conversation he admitted to looking at other women. I'm going to be HONEST here...I was raised in a Baptist church and I've been taught my whole life that EVEN LOOKING at a women is cheating. AND that IS how I feel. I feel like I've been cheated on. It's hurts SO BAD!! I got so mad that I threw my wedding rings at him. He got upset, started crying, told me he was sorry & begged me not to leave him but I cry EVERY SINGLE DAY! I cry in the shower so he doesn't know.

    He thinks I'm over it but I'm not.

    Am I overeacting?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • What does "STAMP" mean? Does is mean "HICKY"?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:24 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • men are idiots sometimes. my hubby lies bout things but when i find out i wanna hit him over the head with something. but my hubby doesnt tell me the full story and lies bout it. i know that we shouldnt be hurting like this and that we deserve better but just hang in there and pray about it. im here anytime and im a very good listener. just message me. im here for ya.
    mommaburns

    Answer by mommaburns at 8:25 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I'd be upset about the lie, but not about the masturbation. Really for men it's like scratching an itch. If you don't want him to lie to you, then don't over react when he opens up and tells you something intimate like that.

    That stamp thing sounds like flirting and he didn't want to admit it. I can see why he lied, and I can see how that is hurtful for you.

    The masturbation is physiology and boredom. Leave it alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Your feelings are valid, but I don't feel they are justified. He may have lied about not knowing because he didn't want you to be jealous, or to avoid a fuss. A stamp- that's pretty harmless, and it's not as though he kissed her. She was probably just playing and got him and other people, too.

    The masturbation thing, it's normal for guys to do it all the time, sexually active or not.

    Looking at other women. It's like window shopping. He can look but not touch. It's not as though he is desiring them over you. Let him look. Let him masturbate. Let him interact with his coworkers in a non-sexual fashion. You are his wife. He loves you. Show him you love him by trusting him and not being critical.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:26 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Also how do I get past it?

    I just feel like it's a breech in trust.

    And the stamp thing WOULD NOT HAVE BOTHERED ME AT ALL ***IF**** he had told the truth in the first place. BUT he lied and I just felt like if it was just a harmless stamp than WHY would he lie about it.

    It wasn't WHAT the lie was about...IT WAS THE FACT THAT HE LIED to me. We don't lie to each other. THAT'S why it hurts so bad!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • Stamp LITERALLY means STAMP...not hicky!!!

    Lord al mighty...IF he's had a hicky on him I'd be posting on where to find a good divorse attorney! LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

  • I think you are overreacting. But I  do not think masterbating  is bad thing. And I do not think just looking at the opposite sex is cheating.  Maybe you need to stop asking him things that you know you do not aproove of. You have the right to feel the way you do about this stuff.  It sound like he has different feelings about it though.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:34 PM on Oct. 8, 2009

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