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Yet a new era in motherhood?

If your son moves in with a girl, do you treat her the same as you would if they had gotten married? What if she wants to call you mom? How close or distant are you supposed to be with this new person?

For you moms who are younger, how would you like your MIL to be with you? How much involvement is too much and considered meddling and how much is considered "seeming like you don't care or like her"?

I just met this girl that my son is planning on moving in with, they've only been dating a couple of weeks, so all this is pretty fast for me. I want to be supportive or him and of them without being overbearing and at the same time I'd like to establish this new relationship so that instead of losing my son, I'm gaining a daughter.

Where's the balance?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • can you tell them to get a ring? nicely... She could take your son on a pretty ride? child support is a lot!!! and goes on past 18!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:02 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I can understand how akward it can be. My now DH and I have been together for over 4 years but moved in together after just 1 year of dating. It was akward with my mil at first but once my Dh and i started visitng more and doing things with them my MIL and i actuallly became pretty good friends but that was after 2-3 years of dating. We actually go garage saling and grocery shopping and christmas shopping together. But in the same aspect my DH's brother has a gf that he has been with for almost as long and are living together but she doesnt have the same relationship with their mom as i do. Not really sure the reason I guess it depends on teh effort made by both parties. When around my mil she will ask how things are going with work and things like that. Just regular talk, then like now well talk about christmas and if we have started shopping things like that. I would say just make small talk like she is a new friend or new
    OliviasMommy614

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 1:03 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • plus he will have no fatherly rights if she gets pregnant and they never marry!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • this is moving too fast slow down this pair! or tell them they are on their own!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • If you're going to treat them like they're married this is what i would do. Make sure that you act as if you respect their relationship and your new role in your son's life. You're now his extended family and this girl is his immediate family. Call and make plans with her. Make her feel included in whatever you do. Call and check on them, be genuinely interested in her life as well as his. Treat her the way you would if she really were your daughter. That being said they've only been together a couple of weeks.. and he's already moving her in? Make sure that you're supportive of him and what he decides but also make sure he's making an educated decision. If they break up and they still have a lease they'll still have to live together and that can get really messy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • co worker, so you are talking like you are interested but not exactly opening all the way up to her like she is your best friend ya know? That way you are able to talk and not have it be akwardly silent but at the same time not asking everything there is to know about their lives. That is actually really fast. But I understan you wanting to be supportive but still not comfortable at the same time. I would say just take it slow, invite them over for dinner and play like a game. We always do that at my DH parents house. Its actually a good way to break the ice and get to know eachother. I would also let ur son know you do want to get to know eachother but arent exactly comfortable. Ask him what she is interested in so you can get to know her and have an idea wat to talk with her about. gl :)
    OliviasMommy614

    Answer by OliviasMommy614 at 1:08 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • "plus he will have no fatherly rights if she gets pregnant and they never marry!"-That's not true.

    I think it's good that you are wanting to make an effort in order to keep a good relationship with your son. Just be there for both, be kind and friendly; you just met her so she shouldn't expect you to be her best friend right away but you should def show that you are willing to get to know her. As far as overstepping goes, if you start butting in and telling your son things he should/shouldn't do dealing with his life or home it could cause problems between you and your son and you and the girl. Talking down about her cooking, cleaning, parenting, etc. would not be good. And advice is good when the person wants it. Too much could be....well, too much. I wish you the best and hope everything works out. And I will add that 2 wks is very fast, but you need to trust your son to make his own choices even though it's hard.
    heartfrommyson

    Answer by heartfrommyson at 1:11 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • get them marital counseling at church
    time to marry this duo. why not? they are meant to be? ask them if not? she does not deserve to be treated like your family!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • yes it is true she could leave him and move out of state! happened to someone I know... and their is no relationship just money is all they want! She could be very selfish and just want a baby not a husband! Oh I cannot get pregnant warn him never to believe this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I'm so stupid - I tried to remain anonymous, but I'm so used to NOT using that button that I posed a response without hitting it ; Oh well, you all might as well know it's me. This is my 19 year old we're talking about.

    And those Anon responses at 02, 03 and 05 were not me.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 1:17 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

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