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Why is co-sleeping discouraged?

I cosleep with my 9 month old. I've been putting him in his crib for about 3-4 hours at night and about an hour-2hrs for a nap during the day. but, he wont sleep well in his crib so we co sleep now. He is a very light sleeper and always manages to sit up when sleeping and needs help falling back asleep. I've tried sleep training, but I will not do the CIO method. I tried it, but regret it. I feel horrible and cant let him suffer from abandonment. In my husbands culture the parents co-sleep for about a year and then they start the transition while the toddler understands he is learning to sleep alone and not being left in his crib to cry. I feel like its more natural to do this. I just don't understand American sleep training methods... why start it so young? I know its easier that way, but I'm confident it has an affect on the baby emotionally, and developementally. What do you think?

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Asked by Kristenfairy at 1:37 AM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (13)
  • I co-slept myself. But people seem to think that you can't get baby out of the bed (not true) or that it's dangerous (not true if you do it right) or that baby won't learn to sleep alone (also not true).

    Some people say it can endanger a marriage, to which I say if a baby in your bed is gong to endanger your marriage, you're in deeper trouble than you think.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:40 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • i really think its because americans push their kids to grow too fast,ask my 90 year grandma and she'll tell you they all slept with their parents it was what everyone did with their babies back then.

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 1:43 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • i have 23 mo old boys and my little one knows the second i get into that deep sleep because he cries and i take him in bed with me we sleep great together he's made it a nightly routine my older one will have nothing to do with it! do what works for you, i co sleep but my kids are comfortable with their cribs as well

    Answer by mirit.rose at 1:50 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I agree with you. I co-slept with all three of my sons. I did learn with the first that I wanted to move the kids to their own bed around a year because we had a hard time getting our oldest into his own room after age two.
    I think co-sleeping is wonderful and the whole family gets more sleep overall.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:50 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I agree with you in the co-sleeping issue. I have 6 month old, and faced similar issues when he was born, even up until now. That's how I feel, like I'm abandening him, I don't like the CIO method either. Didn't last more than 5 minutes. I feel like too much is being expected from children, and babies at to early of an age, and want our children to hurry up and get to certain steps, or milestones too quickly. I think it's fine to take you and thier time, so they understand what is going on before you want them to try and do something.As long as your not harming your children or holding them back from anything, what it sounds like your doing is fine and perfectly harmless, if anything your teaching your child that you will be there for them when they need you; children , especially at that young of an age usually cry because they can't take care of it themselves, that's how they communicate. Keep up the good work momma!!!!

    Answer by HappyTrotter at 1:59 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Totally agree with gdiamante. It's all misconceptions and this "independence" thing that American parents are so wrapped around. It's safe, healthy, emotionally beneficial, and it doesn't last forever. I don't see how a marriage can suffer. There are plenty of places to have sex besides a bed. Is getting up to go to the couch really gonna hurt a marriage???

    Answer by jus1jess at 2:01 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I don't know what some people have against it. Personally, I don't like to do it myself, I don't sleep as well with the baby in my bed. But my boys were in our room, the first until 6 months, and the second until 4.5 months. Our youngest is 2 months, and she still sleeps in the bassinet right next to our bed. If the crib fit in our room, they would all stay in our room until at least a year.

    Answer by tyrelsmom at 2:18 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Same with my s/o's culture. They usually co sleep until the child wants to move to his/her own bed which is up to 7 years old. I'm a teacher and most of my 6 year old students are still in their parents beds. Not all, but lots. And all of them were there when they were just babies. CIO is just cruel IMO.
    With my 1st we coslept until she was almost 2, which is when she wanted to sleep in her own bed. Now with #2 we are co sleeping probably until she's about 2 as well. I recommend it to any new parent.

    Answer by mychinababy at 3:32 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I'm not against it, per se, but my son does just fine in his bassinet in his own room. I don't let him CIO either, when I cries, I get up and go in to him. He usually only cries when he's hungry, and even if he were in bed with us, I'd still have to get up to make him a bottle. If he was a fussy sleeper, I'd probably do it, even though the idea of it makes me nervous. (I'm a paranoid first-timer). He'd probably get LESS sleep with us, because my husband snores like a chainsaw.

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 7:12 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • It's just a cultural idea where co-sleeping is not the 'norm' in Western society. If it's working for you, then do it! There is no reason why you need to go with the 'majority view.'
    I co-slept with all three of my kids. My first child simply did not sleep well alone. I was nursing and it was much easier for me to get rest if I didn't have to get up and do the baby. We began transitioning them out of our bed between 12 and 18 months. All three were sleeping independantly in their own beds by age two. I'm happy with my decision and none of the dire warnings I heart ever came to pass. Be true to yourself as a mom- no one else is up in the middle of the night with your child!

    Check out the site for a 'pro-co-sleeping' site with info on how to co-sleep safely.

    Answer by Freela at 8:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

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