Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what is considered domestic abuse...im confused?

I really need help. I dont know what to do..its more emotional than physical but it does get physical with a slap or pulling my hair and quite often punching not the face but still punching...im scared and upset and just dont know what to do...I love my husband and dont feel the strength to leave him..please help with advice.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:29 AM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You are being abuse by your hubby. If anyone SO,partner,husband treats you like that it is abuse. I am a surviver of domistic abuse. That is how it all started and ya I thought I could change him and that he would never do it again he promised me a number of times that he would never hit me again or call me names out of anger. Needless to say it ended for good and I got away from him after being held hostage in our home for 2 days with a broken jaw in 16 places a broken nose and all of my ribs broken. Please get yourself help and protect your children/child from this man that you thought was different. We are always scared to leave cause we love them. They don't love us, they are out of control and they need help professional help. Sometimes they loss control and beat the child/ren. You need to protect yourself call the womens abuse shelter. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:41 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • im really scared because i love him so much im only 19 and i just dont know what to do he blames me for his anger because he says i push him to do things
    stephanielashay

    Answer by stephanielashay at 3:46 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Check your mail I sent you an email.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 3:56 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • His actions are NOT your fault. He has control over his actions. Maybe you do make him angry, so what. What he is doing is UNACCEPTABLE period. Everyone gets angry. Abuse is wrong and 100% his fault. There are women's shelters. You are young and your life is just starting, don't waste it on him, he is NOT worth it.
    Allie428

    Answer by Allie428 at 4:10 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • He says you cause it because it wants to justify what he's done to you... he wants you to feel like if you did shit different you wouldn't get hit... let me tell you, there's no damn reason he should hit you, pull your hair, push you, or call you names unless you're up in his face punching him, you know what I mean? You deserve so much better, not only from him, but from everyone around you. He may make you feel worthless... that's what he wants. This is the beginning of the end babe and you gotta open your eyes and see things as they are. Call the shelter, a friend, someone in your family... and hightail your ass outta there.
    Good luck hon.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 5:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • thanks so much for all your support everyone...i finally just called my mom and shes coming tommorow while hes at work to help me pack...I just needed to know I'd be okay no matter how much I love him...it wont change so thanks everyone I'm finally getting me and my son what we need.
    stephanielashay

    Answer by stephanielashay at 6:00 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I got married when I was 18 years old to a guy who was very angry. His anger was rooted in the way he was reared and had nothing to do with me. I was very young and very stupid, but I did things which triggered anger in him. The good news is that I learned what I was doing and I also learned to stop doing those things and to eventually help him overcome his anger. I never doubted that he loved me and I knew that I loved him. Part of loving a person is helping him overcome his weaknesses and to develop his strengths. The only way you can do that though, is by confronting the problem. You have to be honest, and you also have to be willing to take yourself out of harm's way, should you ever feel that he is turning violent. Thankfully, I never felt that way. Just know that is is quite possible that your husband truly believes it is you with whom he is angry because he doesn't know the real source.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:47 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • girl, I to am also in a abusive relationship for almost 3 years now by my babys father...and I also dont feel strong enough to leave him becuase I love him...BUT I am now finally realizeing that we have more bad times then good times..I also strongly believe that I cant leave him without God in my life...I pray to him asking for the strength to leave.So i guess what yo have to do it think about all the bad times and how you need to leave things in gods hands...As we speak im trying to leave my boyfriend right now...and if its ment to be God will bring us back together good things come in time. So I would go to a safe place and call him and tell him he needs to get counciling and untill then you guys need a break.

    you can msg me anytime you need to talk

    Amanda.
    cplayboyblonde

    Answer by cplayboyblonde at 11:11 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • What you are experiencing is abuse. You need to get out. I know you feel you don't have the strenght the leave him, but you have to dig deep and find the strength. The reason you don't have the strength is because of the abuse, it drags you down into a depression. I have just left an abusive relationship TODAY! I am at my brother's apartment.....for now. I really am not sure where I am going from here....but I did it!! The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. If you think you'll just stay for another month, another year,until the kids are out of school, or grown.....it'll be harder. You just have to do it ASAP.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I hope your mom does come and get you. Honey you need to leave and leave now. This is absolute physical and emotional abuse. I met my first husband when I was 18, just a couple months before I turned 19. My mom died four days after my 19th birthday, and one month later my boyfriend began beating me. I married him anyway because he swore he was a changed man. He didn't hit me while I was pregnant, but by the time my daughter was 3 months old, it started up again. He will twist your way of thinking until you start to believe the things he says are true. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DO NOT PUSH HIM TO DO THIS. HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OWN ACTIONS, NOT YOU. Do the right thing, please, pack your stuff, get out, leave him. It only gets worse and they never stop, they never change. I got divorced, he remarried and continued to beat her for nearly 20 years. They do not change.
    TarLion

    Answer by TarLion at 4:13 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.