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Fiance's ex girlfriend...

I've posted about her before. She is unavoidable. She is very close w/ some of my close friends. Since she lives out west, we don't see her much. But when she comes to town, all my friends want to hang out with her. SO doesn't give a rats ass about her. I try to be mature, & not let her presence bother me. Anyhow, SO asked me to marry him, she poses no threat to me. She doesn't pay me much attention, and i don't her. But, it's hard when she is all chummy w/ my friends, i feel left out. She does have some un-neccessary attachment to my SO, she just pretends like she doesn't. But, her email to SO about our engagement says otherwise...
First of all, why does she make me feel so uncomfortable, i can't pin point it because i kind of like her too? How can i rise above all this, & be a strong woman about it? How can i just let go, & be my natural self around her?



Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 AM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • OMG! you sound like me that is the way I have felt in the past, just be exactly that be yourself don't worry about her. Let your friends hang out with her you don't have to be there unless you want to but your SO other chose you to marry so don't make a big thing of it, she is obviously jealous of you to having him and not her. As long as you SO doesn't show any type of interest don't worry your pretty little head over her. NOW!!!When is the date for the Let it go be urself and enjoy life as it comes at you. GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:07 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I want to be friendly w/ her like how everyone else is. Does the one fact that she had a short but sweet relationship w/ my fiance make that impossible? I kind of have compassion for her, & understand why our marriage might make her sad. She is in her 40's, hot, never been married, wants so badly to get married & have kids but she cannot seem to find a guy. Not sure why, she's hot, funny & kind.

    I think she is so outgoing, that it overpowers most situations. Maybe this is why i feel so "tight" around her. I don't want to miss out on fun concerts & get to gethers when she is in town. And i can't never hang out when she comes because that is screaming "I FEEL THREATENED BY YOU" which i don't. I really want to be cool about her. But, like i said i feel so tight in her presence...nervous almost. Why is that??? What is the root of that feeling? Why can't i be myself around her? I just don't understand.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • op here

    The wedding is May 15...that's another thing. We can't NOT invite her. So far all of my friends have said "Are you inviting _____?" If i say no, then everyone will know the truth, that she makes me uncomfortable,, or they might say i don't like her. Which, i do kind of like her. We have to invite her, if we don't, that is making a big loud statemenr that could make future situations just THAT much more uncomfortable.

    The wedding is going to be so beautiful, yet very simple...

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • You are uncomfortable around her because she had a relationship with the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. You said more than once that she is hot, and oh so out-going... maybe that makes you feel insecure because those are not your best qualities? Either way, your DH chose you and wanted someone with YOUR qualities.

    In all honesty, any woman who had a relationship like that with your guy, should not be e-mailing him. It's about respect and not a risk worth taking/accepting. Also, you should not want to hang out with her, and I have a hard time seeig how any type of friendship between you and her would be healthy. Your guy wants to marry you so focus on your relationship with him, not his ex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • If you want to enjoy your wedding, then think twice about inviting people who make you feel uncomfortable. Worry about what makes YOU happy and forget "what everyone else will think."

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Find some new friends to hang with when she's in town. Enjoy your wedding & forget about her like SO has.

    Answer by mommorgan at 9:24 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • This is so over the top. Do not invite his ex. It is your wedding .Your very specal day. You don't need bad karma there. As for the friends , keep them close and your enemies even closer but keep her out!

    Answer by bella69147 at 9:37 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • OP HERE;

    I feel if i don't invite her, that i would make me more uncomfortable w/ her in the long run. I want her to think that I'm above all of this, and there is a side of me that thinks if she watched us gat married, it might make her realize a few things....or it might make her like me less...i don't know. I'm going to have a hard time not inviting her. But thanks for your words of wisdom, they always help me see it in a different light.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • op HERE;

    Also, i've gotten really close w/ my friends. I don't have any other friends. They're great & i love them al l dearly. But, they happen to love her too. It's just an ackward situation. If i don't invite her to the wedding, it will cause some sort of drama that i do not want to deal with. Please understand that. Anyhow, there will be some of my most loved family/friends there. I won't have to spend much time on her at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • If you can get through your wedding with her there, it's up to you. What does your fiance say about that?

    I don't blame you at all. You know he loves you, he asked you to marry him but really, I don't think she has any business emailing your fiance or really even being at the wedding. These friends shouldn't be asking that question. My husband has an ex who texts him I suppose whenever she is on the outs with her husband or boyfriend or whatever she has now. It is not quite the same I know but it's just as inappropriate. And I can't imagine why she'd want to see someone she still has feelings for it sounds like, marry another woman. Why put yourself through that?

    I think you need to talk to your fiance and find out how he feels about all this. You two need to do what is best for you, not your friends or his ex. I hope you find a solution.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Oct. 9, 2009