Fiance's ex girlfriend...

I want to be friendly w/ her like how everyone else is. Does the one fact that she had a short but sweet relationship w/ my fiance make that impossible? I kind of have compassion for her, & understand why our marriage might make her sad. She is in her 40's, hot, never been married, wants so badly to get married & have kids but she cannot seem to find a guy. Not sure why, she's hot, funny & kind.

I think she is so outgoing, that it overpowers most situations. Maybe this is why i feel so "tight" around her. I don't want to miss out on fun concerts & get to gethers when she is in town. And i can't never hang out when she comes because that is screaming "I FEEL THREATENED BY YOU" which i don't. I really want to be cool about her. But, like i said i feel so tight in her presence...nervous almost. Why is that??? What is the root of that feeling? Why can't i be myself around her? I just don't understand.

op here

The wedding is May 15...that's another thing. We can't NOT invite her. So far all of my friends have said "Are you inviting _____?" If i say no, then everyone will know the truth, that she makes me uncomfortable,, or they might say i don't like her. Which, i do kind of like her. We have to invite her, if we don't, that is making a big loud statemenr that could make future situations just THAT much more uncomfortable.

The wedding is going to be so beautiful, yet very simple...

You are uncomfortable around her because she had a relationship with the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. You said more than once that she is hot, and oh so out-going... maybe that makes you feel insecure because those are not your best qualities? Either way, your DH chose you and wanted someone with YOUR qualities.

In all honesty, any woman who had a relationship like that with your guy, should not be e-mailing him. It's about respect and not a risk worth taking/accepting. Also, you should not want to hang out with her, and I have a hard time seeig how any type of friendship between you and her would be healthy. Your guy wants to marry you so focus on your relationship with him, not his ex.

If you want to enjoy your wedding, then think twice about inviting people who make you feel uncomfortable. Worry about what makes YOU happy and forget "what everyone else will think."

Find some new friends to hang with when she's in town. Enjoy your wedding & forget about her like SO has.

This is so over the top. Do not invite his ex. It is your wedding .Your very specal day. You don't need bad karma there. As for the friends , keep them close and your enemies even closer but keep her out!

OP HERE;

I feel if i don't invite her, that i would make me more uncomfortable w/ her in the long run. I want her to think that I'm above all of this, and there is a side of me that thinks if she watched us gat married, it might make her realize a few things....or it might make her like me less...i don't know. I'm going to have a hard time not inviting her. But thanks for your words of wisdom, they always help me see it in a different light.

op HERE;

Also, i've gotten really close w/ my friends. I don't have any other friends. They're great & i love them al l dearly. But, they happen to love her too. It's just an ackward situation. If i don't invite her to the wedding, it will cause some sort of drama that i do not want to deal with. Please understand that. Anyhow, there will be some of my most loved family/friends there. I won't have to spend much time on her at all.

If you can get through your wedding with her there, it's up to you. What does your fiance say about that?

I don't blame you at all. You know he loves you, he asked you to marry him but really, I don't think she has any business emailing your fiance or really even being at the wedding. These friends shouldn't be asking that question. My husband has an ex who texts him I suppose whenever she is on the outs with her husband or boyfriend or whatever she has now. It is not quite the same I know but it's just as inappropriate. And I can't imagine why she'd want to see someone she still has feelings for it sounds like, marry another woman. Why put yourself through that?

I think you need to talk to your fiance and find out how he feels about all this. You two need to do what is best for you, not your friends or his ex. I hope you find a solution.