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I think i have just given up....PLEASE help me

I feel like i have just given up on my marriage. When DH is home he does nothing with me or our son. He either sleeps or plays videogames. This weekend he has a 4day weekend and he is still just playing videogames. We never do anything togeather or as a family. He is very controling and never helps me with anything. I do everything for our son i clean the house i go to school full time i take care of our dogs and his damn fish. And he never says a word about any of it. Or even offers to help with anything. I cant even go to the store without DS because DH cant handle him and he is only 4 months old. I feel like i am only here to take care of him, cook clean and be there for when he wants to have sex. I dont even enjoy the sex anymore! I dont know what to do. I feel so depressed all the time and i think that is starting to hurt my family. I need help.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • TALK to him. Men aren't always that bright...he may not know that there's anything wrong. So TELL him. Don't expect him to notice anything unless you whop him upside the head with it.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:39 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • It seems that the two of you need to relearn how to talk to each other. You need to sit down with a trained, neutral third party, like a clergy person or couple's counselor.

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:36 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • We have already done all of that. We have been to 3 different counselors. And nothing has changed. I have talked to DH about it but its like he dosnt care. I seriously dont know what to do. I have honestly just given up. I dont even know if i love him anymore....

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Men are stupid creatures. He will continue to not do anything until you tell him what you want him to do. Be specific. Men think we LIKE doing it all at home. Correct him on that. Let him at least feed his own fish! Personally I don't trust men with little babies unless the babies are asleep and I am gone and back quickly. Other than that, I'd tell him what things I expected him to do. Family is team work and not a team of ONE. Tell him that is the Army not homelife.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:38 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I'm not one who is quick to say leave him but...... If you have already told him how you feel, have been to counseling and he still doesn't care. I think you should leave.

    Answer by Jguevara at 3:40 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Ah. Read your additional post.

    I take it you've been to a counselor on your own, too?

    From your additional post...there may not be anything worth saving here. Not if he refuses to man up. Sorry, but sounds like you married one that wasn't ready for it yet. Throw him back.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:40 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • Have you been checked out for postpartum depression? And also for hormonal imbalance that could affect your mood and energy? Having a young baby is draining, and being tired and run down will affect your mood and your feelings about other people and activities. You have a full load with childcare, school, and housekeeping. It is likely normal for you to feel down, especially if your husband isn't helping. He is likely tired from his job, too, and he may consider your job the childcare and housekeeping. But add in school, and you really do need help. Would you be able to hire some help, since he won't help with the housework (you are sure he doesn't- are you counting car and yard care, for example, if any.) And he should be helping with the baby, some bonding is needed. Probably when the baby becomes more responsive, he will help more. Get checked out medically, and get rest when you can.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:16 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • talk to him one last time and tell him u will give him a week or two or how ever long to start changing or ur going to leave...u can not be superwoman...i have just delt with this it does work sometimes.. my bf didnt want me to go to the store and leave our son home and i just explained to him that i want my free time as just see if that works good luck ...or sell his video game system and games...i have done that before also

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 4:19 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • I'd be selling the fish if they are his and he won't take care of them and what they said. Sounds like he's checked out and its not worth being a grumpy Mom over. You may be a happier better mom without him.

    Answer by Rowdyblues at 4:45 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • i wish i knew what to tell you. ..but i'm in the same spot (((hugs)))

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Oct. 9, 2009