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Do you think that not rushing in to a relationship could help avoid getting caught up in an abusive one?

I am not saying all abusive relationships are like this! I'm just thinking, a lot of the women I know who were in abusive relationships, things got heavy really fast. Moving in, money issues, kids, marriage, all WAY too fast. Do you think that keeping a level head, not being completly "swept away" as easily, or getting so caught up in it so soon, and getting to know someone for a REALLY long time would help some of these situations? My brother in law, she was prego in 2 mos after her husband died, and she married my bil 8 mos later. Now he's stuck, she isolates him, beats him, and so much more. My friend, every guy that beats her, she is in love almost right away, seeing each other all the time, moving in together within months, giving them money, then bam, she's trapped with another asshole. My cousin head over heels marrys in a year after meeting him, her worst nightmare. My sis, two mos, guy beats her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Oct. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • My sis, totally in love with this guy. They get married 6 mos after meeting. He was cheating, beating on her, threatening to take their kid away and kill her. Controlling. Do you think some of these warning signs would have a chance to show up if some would just slow down?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Oct. 9, 2009

  • An abusive person will always show his/her personality either you get into a relationship really fast or if you take your time, it has nothing to do with time, it all depends on the person.
    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:11 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Statistically I believe that if the SO is rushing into things then that is a sort of control issue in itself. I have witnessed friends and family who have rushed a commitment, the situation turned abusive in most of the situations Not all of them but most.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 12:34 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • i rushed through a relationship, my SO and i met at a haunted house casting party on november 4th and started dating on the 8th of '07 in dec. we decided that we want to get married we moved in together in march, moved alot cause i love the country but the city held all the jobs, we have one son now he will be turnin one on the 21st with one on the way, due to arrive in nov. the 20th still not married, but planning is in the process, long story short we are still happy and very much in love from when we met... and there is no abuse, just the playful name callin!!! where as my sister has been with her dh for 10 years and nothing was rushed but very well thought out and they have had more problems (borderline abusive) i remember once that he threatened her and his life until i moved in and became the mediator... so yea lol i really do not think that timeline makes any sort of difference!
    waterlily89

    Answer by waterlily89 at 12:44 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • i think taking your time is always good no matter what. how else are you suppose to get to know the one you're dating? it takes a LONG time to get to know someone. ppl who don't have patience run the risk of starting something (like having kids, getting married, etc) before they even know the person. it's not smart. if one waits to get to know someone, the odds of their relationship being a successful one is greater.

    i was involved with the one guy a few years back. i was even engaged to the dufus. I was naive and as time went by and my self esteem improved, I saw what a loser he was before I actually got married or had kids (thank God). I can speak from experience it def pays to wait.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Wow, way to read an entire post before you answer waterlily. Yay for you that it worked out, but you can't tell me that it would work for everyone. Seems like if we didn't get so caught up in feeling good so fast maybe we'd actually see the real person behind it. The post didn't say it applied to everyone!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

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