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Daughter misbehaves terribly!

My Middle daughter is almost 5. She is very mean, disrespectful, ignores everything I say, tears things up, ruins peoples stuff, and has even smacked her 2 year old sister so hard it left her hand print. We do punish her for these things. We've also tried the opposite and given her extra attention since shes the middle child, but nothing works! they say she's an angel at school. I've even spanked her bare butt because she was being SO bad! and I nearly NEVER spank! I just don't know what to do with her! Any suggestions?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:04 AM on Oct. 10, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • she needs more you time... try a closer relationship, sounds like you cannot stand her and she may get that and just have a personality clash, do pottery together or take a class at brownies ect.,?
    4artistsmom

    Answer by 4artistsmom at 4:46 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I have a 6 yr but she is the oldest of 2 yr bbg triplet.. she use to act up before she started school last yr. what me and husband has done is make time just for her take her somewere she wants to go but remind her that is something that is just for her make her feel like she is special which im sure u do..also if its helps take her in a different room were no one is and try and talk to her if her get worse starts hitting or kicking maybe get a punching bag for her to help her i know my daughter love that
    1plustriplets25

    Answer by 1plustriplets25 at 4:25 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen
    Love and Logic
    Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort
    Raising Your Spirited Child

    a few book recommendations for you. Remember that violence begets violence, so hitting her will only encourage her to hit more. You need to model the behavior you expect her to display. Kids go through rough phases that make you want to run screaming away, but it's usually got an answer you may not expect.

    "I object to violence because the good it appears to do is only temporary. The evil it does is permanent." --Ghandi

    If it's getting really bad, maybe you should consider counseling? It sounds like she has anger issues, or jealousy. Having her talk to someone outside the family might give you ideas as to what's going on so you can help her get over it. She could also have sensory issues and sensory therapy might be beneficial.

    Good luck.
    Xakana

    Answer by Xakana at 5:47 AM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I think that she has the control and she knows it. You need that control and the respect back. Your the Mom not her. You say what the behavior is not her. That really is sending a bad message to the others if you don't do something about it. And about the spanking thing....it is not "hitting" sometimes one little pat on the rear (which is padded) is needed. If done in the right manner. No slapping, hitting, etc........ that would be violence. And spanking should never be done in anger either. Spanking should be the last resort but sometimes it is needed! You need to figure out what will work for your family to get that control and respect back. Maybe have a quiet time with her and maybe she will open up and tell you what is bothering her. Good luck
    shellybrand

    Answer by shellybrand at 12:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Keep your foot down. You are the parent, and all the kids need to know it. You can always talk at night. Have her be the last one you tuck in at night and just talk to her. Then there's no interruptions from the others and maybe you can get to the root of the problem. You can also try a reward chart. I've never been a big fan of them personally, but it's working for my daughter for the moment. Just make sure you always add to them, never subtract. And as for other moms and whether or not to spank, GET IT IN YOUR HEAD... IT'S NOT YOUR CHOICE, AND IT'S NOT ABUSE! IT'S EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE FOR SOME CHILDREN AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH IT, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF! THE MOMS THAT DO DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Been there. Ask your dr to order a Food Panel Rast test for IgE & IgG. She may have an intolerance to 1 or more foods that is causing the behaviors.

    For my son it is cow's milk, eggs, wheat & soy. It only took 8 yrs, 5 therapists, 3 allergists, 2 drs and 1 psychiatrist to figure this out. We removed the foods and we removed the behaviors. He did a complete turn around and graduated from therapy within 3 months of the diet change. Feel free to PM me.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 10:34 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • talk to her about the way she is acting and tell her if she keeps acting out you'll take something away that she really likes and that she will get it back when she goes one whole day without misbehaving. and when she misbehaves make sure you follow through but you also need to follow through on the positive too. alot of times parents forget to acknowledge the positive.
    momandytai

    Answer by momandytai at 12:57 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

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