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Is this too much?

I am a SAHM and DH works. I still ask him to do a few things around the house. He is supposed to empty the dish drainer, clean the cat box and take out the trash every day. Also, once a week I ask him to vacuum the living room and help pick up our son's toys. Finally I sort the laundry into loads, he takes it to the laundry room (we live in an apartment, the laundry is with the mail), washes it, drys it, and brings it back to me to fold. Is that asking too much of someone who also works full time? Trying to find the right balance.


Asked by auroura at 12:51 PM on Oct. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (39 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • "Staying home is a gift and you should show him you appreciate it. "

    No it's not. Staying home and raising small children is a lot of hard; time consuming work. Just as much if not more than sitting behind a desk or whatever all day. Unless your DH/SO is working outside doing manual labor the chances of him being as tired when he gets home at the end of the day as a SAHM is are slim to none!

    My SO; loads & unloads the dishwasher; does his own laundry cause he always seems to want it done in the middle of the week when he knows I do the wash on the weekends; he is responsible for the cars; and any maintenance to the house; and he takes care of the cats; and I do the dogs. I do everything else around the house...seems fair to us...

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I don't think it is. I stay home with my 9 month old daughter full time and work about twice a week. I also ask my husband to help me out around the house. I don't believe I ask for much but I think he does. Before I had my daughter I was working full time and my husband still required me to tell him what to do. He says I nag him about cleaning but, as I see it, I wouldn't have to tell him to help around the house if he just saw what needs to be done, and did it. I think what you ask of your husband to do, isn't much. He should feel lucky it's not more than that!

    Answer by msfila1980 at 12:59 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • If he also manages all car maintenance, then you need to add that to his list. or window washing or anything like that. If he doesn't find the laundry a burden- just carrying it both ways, washing and drying, then it seems a fair arrangement while your children are small. When you don't have so much child care, maybe you can take over at least the laundry. Let's see, you have child care, food shopping and prep and clean up, cleaning bathrooms and other rooms, dusting, mopping non-carpeted floors, feeding the cats, doctor appointments, shopping. We have an empty nest, and my husband mows and does the car care, the litter boxes, the trash, the vacuuming.

    Answer by Bmat at 12:59 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • You stay home and he washes the laundry?? hahah nice guy huh!! well i wouldnt ask my husband to do all that.. Maybe if you wash, dry fold and he puts away.. thats how i did it with my hubby. The trash ya thats a man thing i think. You stay home so you should take care of the house. Staying home is a gift and you should show him you appreciate it.

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 1:02 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Not saying that it's too much, but he does a hell of a lot more than mine does. Mine is just lazy. He throws his clothes wherever he pleases, leaves his dishes on the table, takes the trash out when there are 4 or5 bags piled up, etc. I have to do everything plus clean up after him. I wonder what would happen to our clean home if I went on strike ;)

    Answer by tnm786 at 1:11 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • It depends on what you are capable of doing, how many kids you are taking care of, and their ages.

    When I was married my husband worked evenings 3-11. I've never needed much sleep, around 6 hours. After the kids would fall asleep I would do house stuff and watch tv and wait for him to get home. In the morning depending on if I was nursing I would get up and do anything I needed to do so we would have time to do something "family" around lunch time.

    I was fit and healthy and did most everything. I didn't like doing dishes and sometimes he did that if I put it off. He was neat and didn't make a mess. How I thought of it was just doing things that needed to be done so we had time together.

    We lived in a very nice mobile home and I had everything set up so there was minimal amount of work to do and everything was efficient. We had 2 easy children.


    Answer by Gailll at 1:24 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I would only ask him to take the trash out and clean the litter box. There's no reason I shouldn't be (SAHM) doing the rest.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I personally feel that the parent that stays at home should be responsible for all of the house work.

    Answer by FL2AK at 4:12 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I don't ask my boyfriend to do housework. He does all the yard work and fixing stuff like the appliances and whatever that breaks. He works a very stressful full time job and gets stuck doing overtime a lot. Occassionally, on an off day he will watch the kids if I run to the store or have an appointment, but I don't ask him to do that either. I think I can handle little petty stuff like laundry and taking out garbage. It takes what....a minute to take out trash?? I'm home all day, he's not. I don't expect him to bust his butt all night working and then come home and do all kinds of other stuff I could have been doing all day.

    Answer by officerjoeys at 5:12 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I def agree with anon 6:19. Staying home all day with my 9 month old daughter is more stressful than my job( I work at a hospital!) I used to work full time but now I'm just doing it part time after my husband gets home from work or on weekends when he's not working. I'm kind of surprised but everyone's answers that we women should do everything basically. I really expect it from older but not women within child bearing years. Well, whatever works for your family , you should do.

    Answer by msfila1980 at 6:33 PM on Oct. 10, 2009