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Have you ever been through anything like this and if so what to do?

I am so upset, I gave my daughter more freedom than she deserved I guess. I trusted her and her boyfriend. She is 16, he is 17. I know about them having sex one time and they both said it wouldnt happen again because its to risky, yeah right. I dont know if they are still doing it but the other night my son was being nosey and looked at her phone and showed me a photo. What did I see? About 5 pictures of her bf' showing off his little ugly penis. She was embarrassed when I confronted her and she was mad. She talked to me awful. I kept telling her to shut up she is grounded but she kept on. The straw that broke the camels back is when she said "youre only looking cause you want to see his thing, and youre a child molester" I WAS PISSED! I broke her phone in half and its a contract phone so I have to pay 50.00 for another one but its a better one and shes not getting it. I dont know if I can ever look at him in the face again.

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heavenlypeace

Asked by heavenlypeace at 1:43 PM on Oct. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (42)
  • Of course they are still having sex, are you mad? You don't just lose your virginity and then never have sex again, you are an adult and know life doesn't work like that. I'm confused as to why you're upset having given you daughter the freedom to have sex and then are now angry that she is having a sexual relationship (that obviously includes pictures).
    It sounds like you need to get her on birth control (please tell me you already have) and need to talk to her about how to have a healthy sexual relationship with someone. Barking, confronting, and aggravating your daughter over her sexual choices is not any way to earn her trust or respect, or instill any desire to come to you when there may be a problem. You have an opportunity to build a trusting, loving relationship with her but may end up pushing her away -- right into little Ron Jeremy's arms for much longer than you anticipate.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I would slap the shit out of her and send her to boarding school for accusing you of being a child molester....wtf is wrong with her

    and keep her grounded in the mean time

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • ^^^^ Worst advice ever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Wow.  I don't want to sound like the bad guy here but does she love him?  She's waited A LOT longer than most females nowadays!  On the other hand, since she thinks she is mature enough to handle a sexual relationship, then she should be able to talk to you about it honestly.  I'm not going to lie, if I found something like this out and my daughter had acted like that, I probaly would have slapped her right in her face for the disrespect.  I think that the disrespect she has shown you is what she should be punished for. 

    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 1:54 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Wow! That didn't go well.

    If they had sex they are going to keep having sex. Best get her on birth control. Something she can't forget like an IUD.

    If the phone is hers and she is paying for it or it was a gift then I think you shouldn't have been messing with it. The pictures are gross but it's hers.

    If the phone is yours then I think she should no longer have a phone. You could get her a pay as you go phone with no camera or special stuff that you give her when you want to be able to reach her. She can have a phone when she gets a job and pays for it.

    Grounding her was not appropriate. It doesn't teach her good behavior, it only serves to make her resent you. It's not going to stop bad behavior.

    Limit her activities and enforce local curfews rather than ground her. By limit I mean know where she is and who she is with and if it sounds bad don't let her do it.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:57 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I understand that you're upset TRUST ME who wouldn't be. Thing is though, shes a teenager, they do things like this, hell I did things like this. She's probably lying to you because she knows if she's honest you won't approve or you'll blow up. Which you did so, there's a real good chance she will feel like she could never come to you, and the lies will continue. She probably said what she said out of anger, not because she believes it. Just like you broke her phone out of anger. Try talking it out, but grounding her for being sexually active isn't going to help things, she'll just learn how to hide it from you better. How do I know? I did the exact same thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • post here.. She is grounded for her mouth not so much the pictures and I pay the phone bill so its my phone and I have every right to look at it. The bf should not be exposing himself over the phone lines anyways. I did break the phone over anger but its better than breaking her right? I never touched her, never got out of my chair and actually stayed calm until she told me it wasnt my phone and im a child molester and just want to see her bf naked. I have to be a mother before im a friend and she has gotten by with a lot of things and I tell her all the time to think about the consequences of her actions if she wants to play because she will end up paying. A lot of you mothers may think im wrong for this, but I am not putting her on birth control. That would be like saying "ok youre protected go have sex, its ok" sorry but thats my baby and im not doing it. Right or wrong its how I feel.
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 2:15 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I agree with you about not putting her on birth control. There is a book you should get and make her read it, maybe even read it with her. The title is EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburrn. What young women don't realize is that not only are they harming themselves and putting themselves at risk physically, but also emotionally, psychologically and every other way, too. This is a very good book for helping them realize what all they are risking when they give their bodies to some guy who is only looking to score. They give sex, hoping to get love, and the guys promise love in order to get sex. It's a lose, lose proposition for the gals. I pray she will come to realize that what she is doing is simply not very wise on her part.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:24 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I hope you're just joking that you would pay to replace her phone? My kids are two in their twenties and one a teen. One son and two daughters. This summer I took away permanently my teens computer and itouch. Its gone. When more mouthing off is done which is frequently more things are taken away those can be earned back but not the computer and itouch. I meet the friends and parents. No hanging out at malls.

    Your first worry should really be birth control not sex itself at this point. And a pregnancy test and hiv testing. Get her an ob appointment now. At the very least before an ob appointment get her condoms and spermicidal get - and make her buy them herself.

    If she's old enough to do the deed she's old enough to pay the fee. My teen and I sometimes communicate by talking in person face to face, other times I say I have something to say look away if you want but it will be said.

    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 2:25 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • tell her she shouldnt say stuff like that becouse someone will belive her and u could go to jail,and they would send her off and she wouldnt be able to see him again.as for the pics,id tell her to be careful if he has pics of her,explain that he could use those for black mail later and show them off to everybody if they broke up.she lives with u so u have every right to look at her phone, me and hubby go threw his sons stuff every once in a while just to see what he is up to.and he gets mad when we find stuff.hubby tells him u live her this is my house ill go threw ur stuff if i want.
    angelairelan

    Answer by angelairelan at 2:26 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

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