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Am I a bad person for doing this?

I was cleaning out my closet in my spare bedroom and found a backpack that had various paperwork and magazines and stuff in it from when my fiance and i moved. Proceeding to go through it, i found love letters to my fiance from someone in his past, someone whom he talks about a lot but only as a friend. I asked him before if they ever had anything together and he just laughed and said no way! as if she disgusted him in any other way than strictly friends. So, i took it upon myself to throw them out. I know that if i let them sit there, i would constantly think about them and occasionally read them and it would make me sick to my stomach. So, am i a bad person for throwing them out?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Oct. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • i kept letters from people that liked me and wrote me stuff,and once in while i actually read them and laughed ,but before i moved out my roomates place i put all that in the trash i never wanted to see it again and read it,it was ok while we werent married because we werent really commited but once i knew the "i do" was coming i threw them out,i dont think you did anything wrong i would even tell him that you did it he shouldnt get mad at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • You were WRONG... a bad person! Those were his things. If the one I was with went through my things and threw them away because he didn't like what he found, I would throw him out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

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    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I don't necessarily think you should have taken it upon yourself to throw them out. However, if I was in your position I would be severely hurt and feel betrayed. Not so much for having the letters but for lying and saying there was nothing ever really there between him and her.

    On the other hand, if I were in his shoes, I would maybe be upset with you. However, I would have to ask myself why I had them. He personally needs to figure some things out it sounds like. Though, who knows, maybe he forgot about them and wouldn't have wanted them anyway. If he did then he obviously needs to move on and maybe you do to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:36 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Honestly? Really, truly honestly? I think you should have told him calmly that you found them and that your feelings are hurt and that you'd like them out of the house. You should've let him throw them away and you should've let him spend a week buying you flowers and taking you out to dinner and generally treating you like a princess so he could prove how sorry he was.

    I TRULY don't think the fib is horrible, but he should still feel bad for telling it to you (or at least bad for getting busted at telling it to you! lol).

    Answer by Avarah at 3:50 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • that bs he still had them...tell him to let go n slap him up side the head..i would have made him burn the shit

    Answer by Eveshalloween at 4:14 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • OMG! Seriously, I have letters from the boyfriend I had in 97and in 98 and in 99... I will always keep those things... those are MY memories and no one elses. You were wrong and rude to throw his things away. You should feel ashamed of yourself... maybe theres a reason he kept them... you should have poured them on the table and said "Hey, let's talk about this" because he lied to you and that is a different subject... throwing away HIS stuff isn't going to change that. WHAT about trust... what right did you have to snoop?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • You were not wrong for the feelings you had, nor were you wrong for going thru the backpack, since you didn't know what was in there. However, you WERE wrong to throw them away. While it's understandable that you were hurt to find them and read them, and hurt that he lied to you, you have to think about how you would feel if he took something that belonged to you and just threw it away without letting you know. You would be upset, and you would feel he had no right to do that. Same deal with you: you had no right. I think you should have gone to him and told him you found them while you were going thru stuff, and asked him what should be done. If he wanted to keep them, that would open a chance to find out why and maybe give him the old "get rid of them or I'm gone" speech, if needed. In the future, I would not do this again, if I were you.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 4:29 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • No, he was a dick for lying to you. If he said that they never did anything and is still hanging out with her at this time I would bet money that they're still fooling around.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • OP here...

    to the ones who think i was snooping, i wasnt. i didnt know what was in the backpack and when i went through it both of our things were in it.

    and i contemplated talking to him about it but he would have flew off the handle and blew it outta proportion and he would have thrown them out himself after having his hissy fit. i really just wanted to avoid the hissy fit. his answer to something everytime he doesnt like it is "well i'll leave then." and he never means it but it hurts when he says it so i try to avoid it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:55 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

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