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Would this hurt your feelings? So my dh can see............

I could be just over sensitive. However...If your dh said he wouldnt tell you IF he wanted to F*** somebody, because it would hurt your feelings......Would it hurt your feelings he said that? INSTEAD of obviously saying "I dont want to f ANYbody else??

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on Oct. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Men think w/their "2nd brains" sometimes (you know what I'm talking about)...The truth hurts and he should learn to keep his mouth shut and show you more respect than that.
    momrocks1000

    Answer by momrocks1000 at 8:56 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • At least he is smart enough to know not to tell you, but sadly he is to stupid to keep his reasoning to himself. Ugh...Men!
    It would hurt my feelings, but I wouldn;t dwell on it. Men are dumb.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 8:57 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • I just assume that my husband occaisonally has those sorts of thougts about other women. I ask him which actresses he thinks are attractive because I want to know, not because I want to hear "no one is as beautiful as you." I know that's not true and I'm okay with it.

    I wouldn't ask in the first place (don't ask questions you don't want the answers to). But if he said that to me I would probably be a little jealous and hurt. I would always wonder, because the only reason I woudl think he wouldn't tell me is because it's someone I know.

    But that's me. I think you should talk it out with him.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:02 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Well, if it hurts your feelings that he said even that much, then he has a point.

    Honestly, if my husband said he wouldn't tell me if he wanted to "do" some other chick, I wouldn't be hurt. So what if he has a harmless fantasy? As long as it doesn't EVER intrude into our lives, what would it matter? What would be the point of me knowing?

    IF you were to ask, specifically, "Babe, see that chick over there? Yeah, do you want to "eff" her?" what would be worse; a lie, him saying no, of course not, or the truth, him saying yes. And in the event that the answer really IS no, he really doesn't want to, would you believe him?

    My advice is this: if you don't want to know, then don't ask. If he has a fantasy about someone else, for the fifteen seconds that it lasts, does it really change anything and why would you want to know?
    Guinhyvar

    Answer by Guinhyvar at 9:03 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • OP- He sees nothing wrong with what he said. THAT is my biggest problem!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Well, I can see why you would be hurt, but on the other hand, he's telling you that he would not want to hurt your feelings. He's saying that if he did, he wouldn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you. In a typical male fashion, he's trying to be sensitive, and just doesn't realize that his version of sensitivity doesn't help matters.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:16 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Yes, absolutely. That's awful.
    firenicecream

    Answer by firenicecream at 9:25 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • If it hurt you, then he should be apologizing, but do you reallly want to know if he wanted to "f...." someone else? Even if just because she was hott? If not, let it go. His words hurt, yes, but if he told you everytime he saw a hot woman and thought about sex, you'd be a pretty ticked off woman all the time. Men think about sex way too much and sometimes it does cross their minds. It's if they act on it is the problem.
    MommyLee08

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 9:46 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • Conversations like this are very dangerous for married couples. If he has never cheated and you know you can trust him, then it's probably best that you don't know all of his thoughts. If he's trustworthy then you need to stop with the "what if" conversations. Women start what if conversations to receive kind, loving, reassuring words, but men don't answer with what we want to hear instead they answer with the truth. If this is all hypothetical (meaning he hasn't cheated and you know he wouldn't) then you need to let it go.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:49 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

  • No. I'd know when he'd want to do someone else. He wouldn't have to say (or not say) anything. He's not smart enough to be discreet!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:49 PM on Oct. 10, 2009

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