Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The good stuff challenge...

Only good things...What was at least one positive (no sarcasm please) from your adoption experience? What good do you see coming from adoption as a whole (including all types of adoption...foster, int, domestic)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (11)
  • The good things coming from the adoption of my child: Our family was expanded and we are raising a child in a happy, healthy, nurturing, loving environment. There is also a practical side in that there is some luck involved. Lucy for both him and me that I specialized in working with children and was able to recognize delays, advocate for his specific needs, and get him the appropriate professional help he needed (and still needs). I call that luck. What were the odds that he would be matched with a mom who knew and understood what needed to be done in his very rare circumstances? Another positive thing is the friends we have made over the last few years due to being a transracial family. I am not particularly one to try and maintain/nurture relationships. Since our family has changed we of course have friends I work at maintaining a relationship and that has its own benefits. Another positive for me is a good friend


    Answer by frogdawg at 12:35 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • told me of her being a birthmom, that it was not known but only by a few, and that she is now going to an open part of her son's life. She shares with me updates and is positive about her entire experience. The fact she told me before anyone else we work with....well that meant a lot. Also she still has not opened up to everyone. It is a process. But because of being on this site I respect that it is HER process and I understand her need to do it in her own way and in her own time. Mostly - it is the day to day being a parent. The worries (no one ever said you worry NON STOP), the responsibilities, the teachable moments on every issue under the sun. Quite literally we are in our why phase.


    Answer by frogdawg at 12:41 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Because I chose adoption for my son I have several more people in my life that I love to bits. Not just my sons adoptive parents and his sister, but all the birth mothers and adoptees that love and support me from CUB.

    Also, because I'm such a brave person, unlike many birth mothers that are still silenced by their shame, I am able to speak out and spread the word about the myths of adoption and work towards adoption reform. I consider it my duty to do so. 


    Answer by onethentwins at 2:33 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Because of the adoption of my child, the SOB who was hurting her Mom can never get at this child or to her again. She was able to untie herself from this man, go back to school, marry and have a family and a full life.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • The most positive thing about our adoption (foster care) is that we will have a son who we needed and needed us. We have become better people by learning what we have about the losses involved in foster care & adoption. Because of this, we are more humbled, grateful, compassionate, and patient about many things in our lives. We take nothing for granted. This did not happen by chance. He is an answer to our prayers.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 6:42 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • In reflecting upon the past 23 yrs...I must say, that if I could indeed see ANY positive, it would be; I was graced with more compassion, the ability to find love(inside myself), as well as being gifted the most amazing husband. I was graced with the ability to see "others' in this journey, and their experiences, in a more non-judgmental point of view. I was given the ability to STOP blaming the twins Firstdad, for NOT being able to help me keep my twins...his silence almost desroyed "ME". So in ending...I have been given more compassion, ability to forgive, understanding others heartache(instead of thinking I was the ONLY one), given the gift to LOVE, more so than ever before! The ability to continue to learn and being able to see, that I will survive, and there truly are others...whom are saddened beyond what I have only dreamed of being:( To be made aware each day, my actions effect many, Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 12:07 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • Perhaps most importantly, it has fundamentally changed my view of how we are connected to each other in this world, that true "family" extends so much broader than just a western traditional 2-parent viewpoint. There is never too much love or too many people to love our children. If we could get back to our roots in understanding that we are all important in the lives of the children around us (parents of that child or not) we would make so much more of a difference!

    Because of adoption (my own and placing my first borne) I have the ability to see and empathize with others experiencing loss in a more supportive manner than I would otherwise.

    It pulled me into a career of helping others and giving back with the goal of strengthening families to avoid family disruption and in the cases of family disruption, working to ensure less of these children age out of the foster care system without a permanent family.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:54 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • I had a bad adoption experience - but, I do have good and positive things to happen in my life to report because of my adoption.
    I have learned and practice patience (waiting on social workers to decide what info I was privy to concerning my family of origin and MY adoption records)

    I have learned steady persistence. Again, a sealed records thing. I didn't give up finding my family when the laws in place discouraged me from doing so.

    I have learned that you can't make a stranger love you. (my experience with my moms rejection of me when she was found by the state- and relating to my 'people pleasing' tendencies.)
    I have learned to have empathy for others struggles in life.
    I have learned (my truth) and have the knowledge that I'm still the very same person Ive always been before the search. But filling in the holes of background has left me feeling at ease with the question - WHO ARE YOU? for the very first time in my life

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:45 AM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • At the end of the day, my child's life is better and my life if better because we adopted. There was a woman who needed us and a family who needed her. Simple as that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • My most positive experience was standing in the court room, the day after Thanksgiving last year with all our family and extended family as we took the last and final step in adopting back our oldest son.

    Other positives - I have met some of the most amazing women during my journey from all sides of adoption. I learned an even greater appreciation for just how important family is and that even here in "the melting pot" of the United States, celebrating your heritage and continuing family traditions is a wonderful thing.

    I've become more faithful in helping others. In reaching out to those in need and offering what I can of myself. I've realized the importance of supporting others and asking for support myself if I need it.

    And I've learned the importance of standing up and speaking out when you believe there is a need for change instead of sitting on the sidelines and waiting for it to happen.

    Answer by bellacocco at 4:02 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.