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adult adoptees only...

Did you / do you feel that a piece of you was missing without knowing your birth family?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:15 AM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • I am not adopted but my husband is, he feels he has no need or want to find his birth family. He says he has only known his parents and they are his family. I guess he is just secure in his family and where he stands in life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Wanting to know birth family doesn't mean we're insecure. I love my parents, but I also want to know who I look like and if anyone shares some of my "quirks", as my parents put it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Well, my situation is different. My mother is my real mother. But my father adopted me at 3. It always ate at me that I didn't know my real father. When I turned 18 I started to look but didn't know where to start. My mother wouldn't even give me a name. As it turned out I waited on him almost every day (I worked in a resturant) and never knew it was my father. He died before I ever had a chance to tell him who I was. I tried to reach out to his family but they want nothing to do with me. Does it make me feel insecure? Meh, not so much any more. But it really did! It really bothered me, I felt like I was missing a part of who I was, because I never got to know that part of my history.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 11:26 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I did in a way. I met the person who gave birth to me at 13 and met the guy who is supposedly the guy who had a part in creating me when I was 19. Now that I know what I could have grown up around, I really wasn't missing anything. I had been with my mom & dad since I was 5 months old, I've always had contact with my biological aunt, uncles, and grandparents. My grandma and I were best friends and it was pretty cool to still be able to have them as a part of my life. I just had a really big family compared to most =).
    Jacki88

    Answer by Jacki88 at 12:43 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Thanks for the responses ladies. I am an adoptive mom, and I just wonder if my kids will grow up to feel that there is some missing part of them out there. The chances of them finding their birth families are very small.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Nope. For the longest time I believe my only "real" family was my adoptive family. Well, heck my supposed "mother" abandoned me! What was I supposed to think - a mother who loves up her child will give up that child? Uh, NO.

    Of course, that changed drastically when I saw the original photos of my family and started contact. Then I started realizing that a certain part of me only belonged to that family - regardless of how many years and memories (and fun times) I shared with my a-family.
    Mei-Ling

    Answer by Mei-Ling at 12:48 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • "a piece of you was missing without knowing your birth family"

    Yes - because that is what closed adoptions have done for adult adoptees. This is true whether or not an adoptee experiences this missing piece in a significant or not-so-significant way. For some of us that piece feels significant and there is a desire to know more about it, for others it's a piece that is just missing and that's the way it stays - missing.

    I can appreciate how in this new era of open adoptions, there may be extra angst for adoptees who have no way to find that missing piece when around them so many other adoptees will have the opportunity to do so (because of open adoption).

    OP, is yours a case of international adoption where you do not have info or access to birth family? That is not a new scenario and I would imagine that searching for adult adopees of international adoption may shed some light on possible reactions/needs.

    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 3:44 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • “In all of us there is a hunger, marrow deep, to know our heritage, to know who we are, and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning, no matter what our attainments in life, there is the most disquieting loneliness.” ~Alex Haley
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 5:50 PM on Oct. 12, 2009

  • VERY well said Adopteeme...thank you:) This is one of my all time favorite quotes, I keep it on my wall:) I admire this quote, so much...because it pertains to ALL people, and the unknowns in their life...not just the triad memebers. Blessings, C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 4:28 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

  • No, not really. I'm exactly where I belong.

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 6:38 PM on Oct. 13, 2009

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