Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I forgive myself or him?

I just got out of a relationship with an alcoholic. In the past, I learned to forget about the person and move on with my life... I do hold grudges against some and I can only remember forgiving one person that I held a grudge on for 6+ years... I helped out her and her daughters out but as far as relationships, I am lost. Other than that, I never thought about forgiving them or forgiving myself... I wouldn't even know where to begin or how to forgive myself . I am not the brightest person, I admit but how can I do this?

Answer Question
 
ProudMom_5703

Asked by ProudMom_5703 at 12:31 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (-7 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Thank your lucky stars you were smart enough to get out of this relationship while you could. Get over it & move on to better things.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Forgive yourself? I'm not understanding but that's not important. You are important. You merely tell yourself that you forgive yourself and if it creeps back up just remind yourself that it's over and stop dwelling on the subject. That will take time to learn to do but each time guilt creeps up you let it go and think of something good, like your future. Stay busy. Keep your mind occupied with positive thoughts and plans for a better life. I divorced an alcoholic and never felt guilt over it. He screwed up his life, I didn't. He kept trying to make me feel guilty but that was not going to happen. My life is great now.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:11 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • This old saying has helped me to keep perspective on people who have wronged me in the past.

    "Holding a grudge is like ingesting poison, and waiting for the other person to die!"

    YOU have done nothing wrong. YOU are not the one who destroyed the relationship! What IS important is that you learned something about people who are takers, manipulators, and co-dependent on others, and to AVOID falling into the the trap again! Recognize the signs, and end the relationship if it starts to look/sound familiar. Don't worry, manipulative types will ALWAYS find someone else to leech off of!!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 1:44 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.