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I am a Black woman married to a White man. I refer to our children as Black and this upsets him, is there any middle ground?

He prefers that they be called biracial, or multiracial. That's all well and good, I don't mind it, but they look like black kids so I call it like I see it. he says I am being disrespectful to him by doing so. Am I? How can this be resolved other than by me starting to use a term I see as silly and pointless? (no offense to anyone, I think the term African American is silly and pointless too, and just refuse to use it)

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:33 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (43)
  • Sorry, that should read: no offense to anyone who uses the terms biracial or multiracial. I think the term African American is silly and pointless too, and just refuse to use it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Find out why it bothers your husband and treat that issue first. He deserves your respect if it's a valid concern. When you talk about your children, and refer to them as black, to whom are you speaking. People who know you will know your chldren's race. The government will need to know biracial. General public, in your husband's presence? Maybe he thinks that he is left out of the equation and that people may think that he married you and you already had the children. He obviously played a part in the pregnancy, I guess he should get props you know?? Good luck. I hoped I helped a little at least.

    Answer by MammaGee at 12:41 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Honestly, I think he should lighten up. They ARE black, at least halfway lol. I mean, they are biracial as well, but I don't understand why it would be disrespectful to say your kids are black. Maybe talk to him and see why it upsets him so much? If my husband was black I wouldn't care if he said our kids were black, so I guess I just don't understand where he's coming from.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:43 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • They are his children too, they are a part of him and his white heritage. You should be able to respect his part of their being as well and right now it sounds like you arent.

    This bothers him and he's let you know it. You should try and show him respect for his part as well as for your part. He tries to honor you by not calling them white but by what they are....a blending.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 12:45 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • My husband is Asian and I'm a woman of color (I refuse to call myself an African American). I have a daughter from my first marriage and she is a child of color and we have a daughter together and we say she is ASIAN. I was taught you were what your father is. We know she is biracial/multiracial and by us saying she is Asian we aren't denying the other side of her genetic makeup.

    What to us is funny tho is that very few people look at her and say oh she looks Asian or oh she looks black. I must admit that she for all intense purposes looks like a little white girl. She is extremely fair skinned (hubby has more color than she does) and she has long caucasian hair just curly - not even typical bi-racial hair. I'll tell you who does get offended when we don't say she is older sister. LOL She says "well she is black". I say "noooo she's Asian". We both laugh and say well she might be Asian but I'll tell...

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 12:53 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • she's whatever she wants to be and right now she thinks she's Tinker Bell. :-)


    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 12:54 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • My daughter is also biracial, and since she lives with me and is with me 100% of the time, I also refer to her as "black" (which bothers her white father). It just seems odd to refer to her as "white" when her mother is black, you know? But, when she is older, she is welcome to refer to herself as white, black or biracial. I'll leave it completely up to HER.

    Answer by Fallaya at 12:57 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I think maybe hubby feels as if you are leaving him out......he did help you create those little ones...... maybe you both should just come to a common agreement, or just call them your kids, why do they have to have a race assigned to them?

    Answer by SuperMomof3kids at 12:59 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • No offense, but at least in the USA, "white heritage" has a negative connotation, and therefore, my bi-racial child shouldn't be celebrating her "white heritage":

    murdering indians
    jim crow in the south- lynching blacks, segregation
    skin heads
    racism since prez Obama was elected


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • um...your kids are malato. (sp?) That's the word we use for our kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

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