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My husband is not attraced to me don't know what to do?

My husband is other wise is a wonderful man, very caring, loving, considerate, he's a great dad too. Lately we've been having a lot of heart to heart conversations (due to a lack of sex) and he told me quite clearly that he doesn't find me attractive, especially my body or 'excess baggage' as he puts it. I have just had a baby, but I was a little large to begin with anyway - I just got a whole lot bigger. Guys I really don't know what to do? If he was an ass hole it would be easy I'd leave him, but everything else is so great. Funny thing is I'm actually quite an attractive woman, Its just the one person in the world who needs to see it doesn't. What should I do? What would you guys do? Feeling really heart broken right now. I can lose the weight but what am I supposed to do when he has told me after all 'your just not my type'. HELP!!!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I'd ask him why he married me then. He married your spirit not your shell. If he is that superficial then he's a jerk and you deserve better. If you think he's swell then stay and put up with his crap but tell him not to complain when you find other men who like you just as you are. He can still pay to take care of you while you get what you need elsewhere. I bet if he knew other men want what he's got then his attitude will change and he'd pony up. Men can be such jerks

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:50 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I agree 100% with admckenzie. People( in this case your husband) dont know what they have until they loose it. You sound like you are a confident woman. Dont let him change that. If you WANT to loose weight than do it, for you. Than try to spice things up with your hubby. If he doesn't budge than he is no good.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I had an issue with my weight after baby #3 and asked my dh for help. He said the best way to work it off is to have SEX! It worked and we've been going strong ever since. Bring it up to your dh. It not only helps with being active and losing a few pounds but it also raises your endorphin's which can put you both in a great mood.

    Answer by luvbnmomnwife at 5:30 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • ((((Hugs)))) Momma--- my dad had the same issues with my mom---- except he wasn't loving, caring, or a good father (a heck of a provider though), so that may taint my answer some. I do have to say, put some effort into losing, because if you're marriage does go down the tubes regaurdless you're not going to want to believe its because of your weight. Also, don't forget weight training--- its the only thing that will help with repairing the "damage" of childbearing. I would also make sure that you're very clear with him--- that you want things to work and that you want to be attractive to him. See if he can tell you what that entails, because then it will give some goals. Also, you'll need his support and patience. Getting time to workout and prepare healthy meals is challenging with a baby. Even if things don't work, you'll still be one hot single momma!

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 7:06 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Many men find it shocking, the process of pregnancy and birth and recovery, and that shock takes a little time to resolve. In time, he'll be as hot for your body as he was before.

    In the meantime, it would be kind to you to take care of your body, be careful what you're eating and make sure you get some oxygen to your brain every single day, even if it's just a 10 minute walk with the baby to start with.

    If you don't take care of your body, where will you live?

    Answer by LindaClement at 8:14 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

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