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14 yr old daughter...I need Help, Please!!

My 14 year old daughter, i just dont know what to do. I dont know if its me or what! First she experiments with drinking, only once or twice, and i've banned her from those friends. Then afterwards i had to pick her up from a police station fro stealing. Dont get me wrong, it wsa the first tim eshe had ever tried it, but it broke us both ino pieces. I've banned her from the friend she was caught with. Then she started to talk to boys she didn't know on msn or whatever, and there was a few indecent conversations. But then the friends i allow, have hurt her so badly and deeply, she cried her slef to sleep for days. She cuts herself because shes so lonely, only her legs, but i keep catching tiny scabs on her wrists. I keep trying to make her go to groups like dancing but she hates it, and it makes things worse. I cant stand to see her self harming and lonely, and her only 'real' friends are the ones ive banned. Help!

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (21)
  • cutting is actually a serious disease....see about getting maybe you and her to see a counselor....they are there to help!

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 4:54 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I'd talk with her pediatrician and the school counselor, to get advice and have one of them talk to her.
    Those puberty to early teen years are so hard, on them and on us!!!! Everyone keeps telling me "they snap out of it", but it sure is difficult while you are dealing with it.
    Try to have a conversation with her when you are both calm, and ask her what she thinks will help. Keep telling her that you love her, that she's important and you are just doing your job as mom to keep her out of certain situations. HUGS to you!!!

    Answer by kjrn79 at 4:57 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Weve tried counselling, and they stop seeing her every time because they say shes not 'mentally unfit.' And if i try to talk to her, we just end up screaming and eachother and her locking herself away in the bedroom. She says shes lonely and maybe she should be dead, that way her sister could have a better life, i could have a better life her father could have a better life and it would all just be better if she wasnt even born. I cant believe she would say something. SHe says she understands the thieving frineds being banned, but she only drank once or twice, and them frineds still want to be around her. And plus they were the only ones there for her when she was depressed, and then the ones i allow her to see make her feel even worse, so she ends up in the bathroom with a razor. I posted a question earlier this week, but deleted it. I thought i might get some more answers. Help Me!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • i say try counseling again...mostly cause was she cutting WHEN she was seeing a counselor? look up information on it too to understand it...I had a friend who did it in HS and his arms would be all cut up, he used to always wear long sleeves to hide it. Well his mother found out and they started seeing a counselor and he told me he was glad he went, it took him years to get over cutting but the counselor told him that if he had messed up once just once on his cutting he could have hurt himself seriously. he said he did it to escape his problems and for the endorphine rush you get when you can be a serious problem if it escalates...maybe trying again with a counselor is the best way to go...and dont have to be mentally unfit to see might have just seen some bad counselors...look up thier references and how long theyve been doing it...that should help.

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 5:14 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I paid a £30 an hour one. She was good but tended to agree with my daughter on anything she said. And the other we went to we were reffered by the hospial because they are linked or something. I dknt know, but they said they dont need to see her as she isnt mentally unwell. So weve stopped seeing them. She has a mentor at school aswell, also they all know she cuts herself definitely the counsellors connected to the hospital. I just cant have her lonely anymore. What would you do? Let her see her friends (drinkjng not stealing) or not. Bearing in mind i hav set other punishments aswell Help!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. Cutters are prone to have that disorder.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:29 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • suffer from what is called by some "Deliberate Self Harm Syndrome," by others "complex post-traumatic stress disorder" (PTSD), "Repetitive Self-Harm Syndrome" or "multiple personality/dissociative identity disorders" (MPD/DID). Many of these people simply call themselves "cutters," and some simply call what they do SI, or self-injury, and use SI as a verb, as in "I SI once a month".

    The majority of cutters are women, between the ages of 13 and 30, but there are cutters of every age and gender. The majority of cutters have been sexually molested and/or physically abused during their childhood. Many are survivors of incest
    Abuse of children has a long history. Many cutters come from families with a history of alcohol and/or drug abuse and sometimes mental illness. A disproportionate number of the queer people I know have been/are cutters. One third of all teen suicides in the U.S. are queer kids. The hatred of queer people b

    Answer by stardreamerrita at 5:44 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • some helpfull sites

    there is also a show on lifetime i watched there is a few of them about cutters

    Answer by stardreamerrita at 5:48 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • i had a friend who was a cutter her mom found out when she ended up in the er almost dead she had to be put into a pych. ward was there all her growing up years got out at 21 she was 10 whan she went in she is ok now works and hopefulle no more cutting i have not seen her in a long time she moved far away . but now a few years back she said she was sexually abused and something snapped from keeping it all in and the years of abuse made her snap

    Answer by stardreamerrita at 5:51 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • My sister who is currently 17 went through the same thing
    1) she really needs to be in counseling find a good one and stick with them cutting is a really serious disease my sister is severely scared and almost died. Also it's kind of a trendy thing to do these days i hear. Apparently my sister got started because half her school was doing it to be emo or something
    2) You need to stop yelling. Never ever ever should you have a talk with your daughter out of anger. She has enough anger and hurt for the both of you. So do what you need to do read the bible, meditate, get stress balls whatever keeps you calm while talking to her
    3) You need to find out what the real problem is and it's not that she's cutting. The problem is why is she doing all of these things? Does she want attention? Are you or her father absent a lot? Did she break up with a boyfriend? Did something happen at a party or while she was out? There has to be a

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 7:42 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

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