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I feel like no matter what I do I cant make my husband happy...his whole life seems to revolve around his friends and it seems like he blames everything bad in his life on me...I need some advice...?

what should I do

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stephanielashay

Asked by stephanielashay at 7:01 PM on Oct. 11, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • When my husband gets in funks like that, it usually ends up in an argument where I end up saying (or yelling) "I'm on your team!!! I want you to be happy! Why are you making me, you're biggest supporter, the person who is alway there for you thick and thin into your enemy?!?" Which usually then continues onto something about how I'd never cause him issues on purpose and communication and tell me what you need... yadayadayadayada. Thankfully, after about half a dozen of these conversations, its been a long time and I think the message finally made it through his skull, LOL.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 7:10 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • How old are the two of you? Was your baby planned? An unexpected child to a young father more often than not comes with a lot of resentment. Sounds like your husband wasn't ready to settle down, and feels smothered by responsibility--hence the need to hang with his "single life" friends.

    You cannot force someone to be happy---happiness comes from within. I recommend finding a good marriage counselor who will help you to discuss your issues and give you the tools and guidance to rebuild your relationship. However, it takes BOTH of you to make a relationship. One person cannot carry the load and make the changes necessary in another person.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:13 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Marriage counseling may help. Or maybe a trial seperation. If you are giving it your all and hes not even trying to meet half way then you need to make some decisions. Its not fair to you or your kids to feel second best. I would reevaluate the relationship and concentrate on making things better for you and your kids GL
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 7:14 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • well we are 19 and 20 and yes i think that him being so young is alot of it.
    stephanielashay

    Answer by stephanielashay at 7:27 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • I'd say you ARE making him happy. You are providing him with an excuse for everything wrong in his life. He can blame you for everything negative while leaving you at home with the "twins" called guilt and confusion. Meanwhile he gets to run and play with his friends. He's an immature jerk and will grow up to be even worse. If you can deal with life like that then just accept it and smile. If not, tell him to cut the crap and be responsible for his own stupid decisions and things that go wrong bc of those decisions.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:56 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • Next time he start blaming you, put the twins on his lap,and tell him ,"I blame you for getting me pregnant", then,tell him you need some fresh air ,but, you have to be quick,have your pocketbook and keys in your hand. Your problem is,you are letting him talk his way out the door.If, you love him and want your marriage to work,try some counseling,but, right now he is stealing your self-esteem,you need to get out.

    lady-t3984

    Answer by lady-t3984 at 9:09 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • We started out young with an unplanned baby too--- men do grow up. Seriously. If you love him and want to be with him, give him a chance. It does improve. Making the decision to settle down at any age is hard, but when it happens in a whirl wind while you're friends are all still out living up the single life, its harder. Its important to talk about it--- talk through it. "Raising" a husband is hard--- as I'm sure "raising" a wife is, but when you start out together young, its kind of what happens. We grow into our roles, and sometimes with less grace then people who were older, but still, happiness is there. Love is there. Family is there. If he's who you want and he wants you, you'll make it through the rough patches. Communication is key and so is studying marriage.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 10:06 PM on Oct. 11, 2009

  • You have to take the focus off the fact that You can't seem to make him happy. He probably is a pessimistic person who refuses to be happy. I would try and do things that make you happy. start doing things for yourself, and get supportive people around you. I mean continue your "wifely duties" and all but don't forget about yourself in the process. talk to him and ask him what can I do to make you happy. I'm sure he will let you know. Then make a conscious effort to do that. My husband said that he likes it when I wear dresses, so I make the effort to do that at least twice a week. That opened up to a lot of other things on his mind. Now we have discussions and communicate a lot more. As far as the blame game- wow so not fair. But try to get a little deeper. Maybe he feels that he's made such a huge sacrifice of his wants for a wife and family. Understandable. Ask him what can you do to help him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Oct. 12, 2009

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